Remnants of Love
by Magma Writes
Summary: Sometimes, he wonders. "Am I not enough for you to remember?" With her memory gone Raven must make a decision- is this the life she wants to live?
1. The Future is Now

**Remnants of Love**

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Chapter 1 – **The Future is Now**

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 _"What do you do when the person you love forgets?"_

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You know that feeling where you're trying to remember something and it's _right there_ on the tip of your tongue but it just won't come to you? It's like seeing something tangible in front of you but every time you try and grab it - it turns into smoke.

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Raven knew something was wrong as soon as she felt more than four other presences in the Tower.

That and the heavy feeling in her head, like whatever she had in there was just _too much_.

"Rae!"

 _Too loud._

"Oh my god, Raven!"

 _Too LOUD._

Raven opened her eyes only to shut them again quickly with a hiss. The lights-

They seemed to dim on command, casting a soft glow around the med bay-

Wait.

The med bay?

"Is that better?" she heard a familiar voice say; choked with an emotion she couldn't read.

Her vision blurred as she struggled to sit up. She felt warm hands on her back-

"Here, let me help you."

Raven grasped at the thin sheets that clung to her legs. She felt too hot. She felt too _much_. It was sensory overload. The annoying beeping from her heart rate monitor announcing her rhythm to the word, the dulled lights, the stupid sheets touching her bare legs, and the warm, comforting hand-

Raven groaned, clutching her head as images flashed in her mind. It was nothing she could really grasp- just a bunch of colors and voices and _feelings_ -

"Hey, you're okay," the deep voice said, rubbing his –because it was clearly a _h_ _e a_ nd she was starting to understand who- rubbing his hand along her back in what was, she supposed, a comforting gesture.

She ripped the sheets from her legs and tossed them to the ground, just trying to feel _less_ -

"Rae-"

"Stop-" she croaked, squeezing her eyes shut as green filled her vision. "It's too much."

Beast Boy retracted his hand while Raven tried to learn how to _breathe_.

What was happening? Why did it feel like she was in some new skin? Like she had to learn to _live_ again?

"Gar-"

"I'm here, Rae."

She exhaled slowly, her mind still wheeling as she opened her eyes again. Beast Boy stood close to her- she could feel his body heat against her shoulder. She could see the concern in his eyes-

But why?

Why was he so worried?

"What happened?" she asked, clearing her throat. So dry-

Immediately a glass of water presented itself in front of her, held by a green hand. Raven took it from him slowly, watching him with a curious eye. It was as though he knew what she needed even before she did. She took a careful sip, glancing around the room as she waited for him to speak. There was an uncomfortable looking chair pulled up beside her bed and a few barely touched plates of veggie burgers. Raven glanced back at the green Titan in front of her. Clearly he had been here long enough to skip a few meals. The thought made her stomach flip uncomfortably. But she couldn't tell if it was because she didn't want to see him sacrifice his health for _her_ or because the gesture- the _sentiment_ of just being with her…was endearing.

Beast Boy was surprisingly quiet while she finished her water. She expected him to fill the silence but he just watched her carefully with eyes she couldn't read anymore. His feelings though-

The worry he felt was palpable. But underneath it all was relief. Relief and a steady thrum of affection. She looked away. It was too much. He was too much. And why did he look…different?

"What happened?" she repeated, clearing her throat.

"I don't know," he answered immediately. "When we found you-" he trailed off. "We weren't able to learn much. Most of them left before we got to you. When I finally tracked you down-" His fingers curled into fists. "You were unconscious. You wouldn't wake up no matter how hard I tried. I don't know what they did to you."

Raven frowned. None of that made any sense.

" _Who_ took me?"

She felt Beast Boy's anger wash over her. "Those damn cult people," he said, grinding his teeth as his emotions quickly dissolved into something darker. "I don't understand them. They just don't know when to leave you the hell alone."

Raven's head pulsed and she brought her fingers up to her temple, trying to find some relief. She tried to call on her powers but found them weak-

"You're hurting," Beast Boy said softly and she felt his distress brush over her. For some reason she felt obligated to ease his concerns.

"It's just a headache," she said as a blue glow surrounded her hands, wavering in intensity.

"Don't overdo it," Beast Boy said, stepping close to her again. "You're not one hundred percent yet."

He was right. How the hell was he right? Raven let her hands fall back to her sides, meeting him with an accusatory gaze. He didn't waver for a moment. Her expression softened and she found she couldn't maintain her glare. She was just so _confused_.

"You're taller," she stated, staring down at his feet before returning her gaze up, taking in his new colored suit.

Beast Boy cocked his head to the side. "Uh, not really?" She felt his confusion make a slow crawl to the surface. Great. At least she wasn't the only one out of it.

Suddenly a thought crossed her mind.

There was no way he would have a growth spurt in the few days she spent healing.

She couldn't have…

She only stopped time once before when her father was trying to destroy the world- did she somehow…

"Raven, talk to me," Beast Boy said, pulling her out of her downward spiral by grasping her hands in his larger ones.

Raven pulled away but found that his touch wasn't…unwelcome.

She felt Beast Boy's emotions wash over her again. _Why_ was he being so _open_ with them? He would usually have at least _some_ barriers up. Mento taught him that much. Raven squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to hide the desperate look that had appeared on his face. Full of bewilderment and a little bit of… _pain_.

"Beast Boy…" she sighed.

"Beast Boy?" The absolute perplexity in his voice forced her to meet the scrutiny of his gaze. "Rae, I go by Changeling now, you know that," he said, reaching over to grasp her chin gently.

She let him.

Why did she let him?

She found the steady movement of his thumb against her cheek _comforting_ and felt the pounding pain of her skull slowly ebb away.

"God, I was so scared," he continued, his voice softening. "I should have been there. When you were gone-" He swallowed tightly. "You must have hit your head."

As soon as he pulled his hand back Raven felt cold.

Something was wrong.

This wasn't just a simple headache.

Her mind was chaos and she couldn't get a read on her emotions. And his unexpected feelings just added to the turmoil.

"Beas- Gar," she amended quickly. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. One thing at a time. She had to handle one problem at a time. "I can't remember."

"What?"

"I can't _remember_ ," she blurted, her fingers tightening around the edge of the bed as she leaned forward, her hair hiding her face. "What _happened_?"

Her heart rate started to quicken- the beeping from the stupid machine hammering in her ears.

She trembled. It was _too much_.

Immediately she felt strong arms wrap around her back as she was pulled snugly into Gar's chest.

"It's okay, hey," he said, rubbing his hands along her back. "We'll figure it out, okay?"

"How? I don't even know what's wrong," she said, her voice muffled against him. She felt conflicted. One part of her seemed to say- _move_. Push _away_ from his embrace. But her body _melted_ into him like it was the most natural thing in the world. "And you're so different," she said, feeling her hands creep up to grasp at the front of his uniform.

"I'm still the same goofball you love, Rae," he said, chuckling. She could feel the vibration from his laughter against her cheek and found it unexpectedly soothing. But his words…

Raven froze.

This time she pulled away.

"How old are you?" Raven scrutinized, eyeing his body suspiciously. He had grown up. Quite a bit.

Beast Bo- _Changeling_ frowned at first but he gathered himself quickly, flexing his arm. "How old do you think I am?"

Raven rolled her eyes and felt herself calm. Okay, this was normal. This was familiar. He was definitely the same. "Mentally or physically?" she drawled.

Changeling snorted. "Oh yeah, you're still Rae."

"Raven," she corrected instinctively, but realized that the nickname didn't bother her.

Changeling's smile seemed to falter at that and he fidgeted nervously. "So, how much do you remember?"

"I'm not sure," she said. "I don't know how much I forgot."

"Well…" He rocked on his heels. "I'm technically twenty four. And since you're basically an old lady compared to me-"

"We're only about a year apart-" she said before his words registered properly. "Wait… you can't be twenty four. You were just seventeen- or eighteen." She clutched at her head. "I don't know anymore."

Silence settled around the two, broken only by the incessant beeping of the machines tracking her health. They stared at each other, both baffled by the way the conversation went.

Gar broke the silence first, his voice low and unsure. "You're telling me you don't remember about _six_ _years_ of our lives?" he whispered, the severity of the situation suddenly dawning on him.

"I don't _know_ , Gar!" she said, feeling her powers pulse around her. This was all confusing enough as it was. She couldn't handle the- the stinging sorrow and _disappointment_ radiating off him as well. She squeezed her eyes, quietly muttering her mantra and lowering everything in the room that was engulfed in dark energy.

They waited together in silence for a few moments as Raven tried to regain her control. Raven could feel his panic grow and she quickly constructed her own barricades to block him out.

"I'll be back," he said abruptly, turning away from her. "Don't go anywhere!"

As soon as the med bay doors slid shut Raven felt her own anxiety rise. She took a few deep breaths and tried to concentrate on the individual feelings that lingered around the Tower. She counted.

One, two… _seven_.

There were _seven_ other people in the Tower.

But they weren't all familiar and some felt subdued. She didn't even want to try and think about what that meant, choosing instead to quickly retreat back into her own mind.

She tried to think about what Gar was talking about.

A cult? Apparently that wasn't anything new. He certainly didn't seem surprised or happy about it. But why did they want her?

Did the cult do something to her head?

Raven shivered, pulling her legs up to her chest.

Was she compromised? Would she try to harm her teammates?

But also- _six years?_ He- Gar had to be lying. It couldn't have been six years. That's- that's ridiculous.

But she knew he wouldn't lie. Not about that. Even the Beast Boy she knew in the "past" wouldn't play a cruel joke like that.

Raven sighed. It was obvious something had changed between the two. If his words weren't enough then the way he so easily touched her was another obvious clue. She wasn't naïve. The way her body responded to him…

Perhaps the mind recalls (or in her case _forgets_ ) certain things and the body remembers the rest. Raven played with the sheets idly, lost in thought. It was like muscle memory. Like riding a bike or going for a swim or flying. You might not remember the mechanics but your body reacts. Her body remembered things she didn't and she wasn't sure how that made her feel. Logically, she thought she should feel ashamed. She wasn't the type of person who…who could be more than a teammate or friend to _anyone_. She was a half demon who, at one point, was destined to destroy the world. But she found she _wasn't_ ashamed. She _wasn't_ revolted by the idea. She-

Raven heard footsteps approach the med bay doors, only giving her a few scant seconds to pull herself out of her despondent state.

She was surprised to see Robin walk in instead of Garfield. But was he even Robin anymore? "Robin" walked towards her, taller and stronger than ever, now donning black and blue.

"Raven, how are you feeling?" he asked, standing before her.

"Confused," she answered honestly. "Everything's different."

Robin nodded. "I would imagine," he said, looking at her curiously. "You're not physically hurt. But Changeling tells me you can't remember…things."

"Six years he said," Raven recounted. "Robin, how can I forget six years?"

Robin frowned. "He said you might say that," he mumbled. Her face twisted into one of puzzlement. "You called me Robin," he clarified. "I go by Nightwing now."

Raven furrowed her brows. This didn't even come as a surprise to her anymore. "And Starfire? Cyborg?"

Robi- _Nightwing_ smiled. "They're the same."

"Of course you and Gar would be the ones to change so drastically," she grumbled but Nightwing continued to smile. "Uniform _and_ name changes. This will take a little while to adjust."

"Hopefully you'll regain your memories and won't have much to adjust to," Nightwing said, crossing his arms. "Now, I did have a lot I wanted to ask you about the kidnapping but considering-"

"Kidnapping?" she snapped. "I was _kidnapped_? I thought we just had an encounter with a cult-"

Nightwing opened his mouth only to close it. He looked slightly disgruntled. "Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought."

"Who? Who was it?" Nightwing seemed to hesitate. Raven didn't understand why he was hiding things from her. What good what it do? "Wouldn't telling me things help jog my memory?"

"Perhaps," Nightwing said with a sigh. "You would know better than we would, honestly. All this mind stuff was always your forte. When you're feeling up to it again maybe you could try and do some research-"

"Okay," she agreed readily. "But, please. I want to know who did this."

"Raven, we don't really know," he admitted. "This cult has been threatening you for a while now. For the last three years. Maybe even more if we missed the signs."

"What _cult_?" she asked.

"A cult of Trigon," Nightwing answered grimly.

Raven was silent. Of course. Of _course_. Even after she was able to live past the age of sixteen something like _this_ would happen.

"What would they gain from taking my memories?" Raven questioned unhappily.

"We don't know," Nightwing admitted. "But we'll figure it out, okay? I'll let Changeling fill you in with more details about them and what you missed. But for now…Gar and I thought that it would be best to maybe ease you into everything," Nightwing said. "We hope the familiarity of it all will trigger something but I'm leaving the decisions up to Gar. He can choose to answer any questions you have if he thinks it's the right choice. In the meantime I'll be doing all I can to hunt down the cult."

"Gar has a lot of say in my life now doesn't he?" Raven asked, feeling her apprehension rise.

"He does," Nightwing answered carefully, uncrossing his arms.

She felt nervous. She didn't _do_ nervous but this- this was all incomprehensibly new. "Is he…were we in a relationship?"

Nightwing smiled. "You could say that."

"You're being extremely helpful, Nightwing," she muttered. For some reason she found it easier to adjust to his new name than she did to calling Gar, _Changeling_. And…that bothered her.

"Sorry, Raven. I have to admit, it's going to be Gar at the forefront of all this," he said. "It may come as a surprise to you right now, but he knows you best." Raven sat there and thought about it. Frankly…it _didn't_ surprise her. Even with the gap in her memories. From what she remembered as teenagers- he was always there. "He's going to come see you again soon," Nightwing continued. "He's just checking up on…stuff. And I'm sure the rest of the team will check up on you as soon as they can too," he finished, turning to leave.

Raven spoke just before Nightwing reached the door. "Nightwing? Who else is in the Tower?"

Nightwing glanced back at her. "Why do you ask?"

"I sense three extra people," she said. "Do we have new members?"

Nightwing seemed to hesitate, the corners of his lips lifting just the slightest. "Sort of."

Raven rolled her eyes as the doors slid shut, leaving her alone once more. "So cryptic."

"Right?"

Raven jolted, surprised to see Gar standing at the door with his arms crossed, as if he were there the whole time. "When did you-?"

"Just got here," he said, pushing away from the wall to walk towards her. "Slipped in before the doors slid shut as a fly," he explained.

"How much did you hear?" she asked quickly.

Gar quirked a brow. "Why, did you say something incriminating?" he teased with a grin. When Raven didn't answer he just laughed. "I really did just slip in now," he admitted, appeasing some of her anxiety. "Are you keeping secrets from me, Rae-Rae?" he asked, pouting.

"Am I not allowed to anymore?" she pried cautiously.

Gar smiled. "Heh, about that-" He paused and Raven watched as his left ear twitched. "Ah shit." He quickly rushed over to the exit, looking back for just a brief moment. "I'll be right back!"

The door slid shut behind him but he didn't get far. Raven could feel another presence just beyond the door, converging on Gar.

"Hey, you're not supposed to be here," Raven heard Gar say, his voice muffled through the walls.

But it was the words from a voice she didn't recognize that made her freeze.

"Hi, Daddy, can I see Mama now?"

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	2. One Fish, Two Fish

Chapter 2- **One Fish, Two Fish**

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Raven heard muffled voices from the other side of the door.

"I wanna see Mama."

"You're not supposed to be here," she heard Garfield repeat. "How did you get out of Vic's sight?"

"Sorry daddy, it's not Unca's fault," she heard the sweet voice say. "I turned small."

"You turned small?" Raven could _feel_ the pride coming off the green Titan briefly before he seemed to gain his resolve. "We're definitely going to talk about that later," she heard him say. He was obviously trying to chastise the child but Raven could hear the smile in his voice. "But no, I'm sorry, Mama's not ready to see you yet."

"But _please_ ," the child whined, stretching out the word. "Mama no read my beddy time story in hours!"

Raven heard Garfield chuckle lowly. "You mean days, honey."

"That what I said."

"Soon, okay?" The kid seemed to grumble in defeat. "Now go back to Uncle Cy before he gets too scared."

Raven heard a giggle. "He scared Mama will send him to another domino if he los' me."

Garfield laughed loudly. "You heard him say that?" After a bit of silence where Raven assumed the child nodded, Garfield laughed again. "And you mean, _dimension_ , honey."

"Dementor," the kid repeated proudly.

"Close enough."

Raven had just about enough. Her heart was beating rapidly as she stared at the door separating her and this new…person. She felt an urge to go see this child. To see…if this was all really _real_. She had only been awake for what felt like an hour and now she apparently had a _kid_? Raven slid off of the bed and walked towards the door, absolutely no hesitation in her step. She didn't know where this bravery came from but she took it in stride- the door sliding open-

She almost walked right into Gar's broad back, too consumed by her wild thoughts to even realize what she was doing.

"Rae-"

He reached out for her, almost as if he was going to guide her back into the room but she weaved around him easily, coming to a stop beside him when she saw where that sweet voice came from.

"Mama!"

A little girl who couldn't have been more than two or three grabbed at her bare leg, clinging to her like a lifeline. Raven felt something bubble inside her as she stared at the head of short, unruly purple hair. Her heart skipped a beat.

She could feel the little girl's pure joy and elation pouring off her, washing over her. It was so _innocent_ , wholesome, and uncorrupted in a way only a child's emotions could be. It was refreshing.

She almost forgot that Gar was standing beside her, watching the reunion with some restlessness. He wasn't sure how she would react to this either. She couldn't blame him.

"You okay, Mama?" the little girl asked, holding on tighter before glancing up at her.

Raven's could feel her heart thudding against her chest and she was positive Gar could hear it too. The girl stared up at her with eyes she could only describe as _his_ – such a beautiful deep emerald in contrast to her pale green skin.

"I'm-" Raven wasn't sure what to say. What can you say to a child that was apparently _yours_ that you didn't remember her anymore? That you didn't remember the relationship you shared with her father? That you couldn't even recall her _name_?

"Penny," Gar spoke, leaning down to untangle his daughter from Raven's legs. To untangle _their_ daughter? Raven watched him pick her up, settling her against his hip with ease. He did it again. He always knew when she needed help or knew the answer to an unspoken question or just when she needed a moment to _breath_. "I told you, honey, Mama needs a little more time."

"Penny." The word fell from her lips with an effortlessness she didn't know she had. Penny tore her saddened gaze away from her father back to Raven, her little ears twitching when Raven spoke her name. Her little _pointed_ ears. Something fluttered in Raven's chest.

 _Chicks dig the ears._

Those damned words that Beast Boy used to say when they were younger came to mind. And he was right. Seeing those ears on the child before her brought something out of her she couldn't explain.

Raven could feel Gar's eyes on her, waiting for her to speak. Waiting for her reaction. But she couldn't take her eyes off the little girl.

"She looks like you," Raven finally spoke, her voice quiet.

"No, I look like you, Mama," Penny pouted.

Gar laughed, bouncing her a bit. "What's wrong with looking like me?"

"I wanna look like Mama," Penny said, as if that explained everything. "Mama pretty, you say so."

Raven looked at Gar just as a blush crossed his face. "Uh, yeah," he said, avoiding her gaze. "Yeah, Mama's really pretty. You're pretty too."

Penny snuggled into Gar's chest, gazing at Raven with bright eyes. "You feel better, Mama?" she asked, bringing her thumb to her mouth.

Raven immediately leaned forward to pull her hand away. "No sucking on your thumb, Penny," she chastised.

Gar stared at her in astonishment and Raven froze. What she did just now- no conscious thought went into it. She just _did_.

Penny didn't seem to realize her parents were shocked and instead reached her hands out towards Raven. "Mama, carry." Now there was some hesitation in Raven's movements. She met Gar's gaze and he just gave her a small smile, supporting whatever decision she would make. Cautiously, Raven reached out, grasping the child under her arms and bringing her to her side. Penny settled in easily, resting her head against her shoulder. "Miss you, Mama," she said. "I 'ope you feel better."

Raven felt her breath catch in her throat as she looked down at the child in her arms, fitting against her as if she belonged there. "Thank you," she said softly. "I hope so too."

Raven felt Gar's emotions wash over her and looked up at him. Something like protectiveness and approval exuded from him as he stood in the hallway grinning like this was the most natural thing in the world. Raven decided against saying anything about that. This was definitely all confusing for her but…now Gar had a larger burden to carry if they had a _kid_ together. She didn't even want to stop and think about how all that happened. Not yet. Gar met her questioning gaze with his own.

"What do you want to do first?" he asked.

Raven shrugged. "I honestly don't know. This is all… a lot."

"I already laid out your things in the hall bathroom if you wanted to take a shower first," he said. "It might help relax you a bit."

"A shower sounds nice," she admitted, trying not to think about how Gar probably handled her clothes...including her undergarments. How he probably knew exactly where everything was. How that was probably _normal_ for him. "That was thoughtful of you."

He smiled knowingly but said nothing about it. "Just come to our- _your_ room when you're done," he amended quickly, clearing his throat.

Once again Raven realized that this was just as hard on him as it was on her. Maybe harder. She glanced down at the kid- at…her _daughter_. "Penny, you're going to with Ga- Daddy now, okay?"

Penny nodded obediently, suddenly prying herself away from her grip. Raven felt a spike of fear rise in her as she lost her hold on the girl – fearing that she would fall- but Gar seemed to expect this would happen- catching the girl mid jump.

"She's a feisty little one," he explained, holding onto Penny tightly as the little girl laughed and wiggled in his grasp like she didn't almost give Raven a heart attack. "And sneaky."

"I wonder where she gets that from," she said monotonously, staring at the shapeshifter.

Gar looked back at her, his mouth open in surprise. But his shock quickly changed into something cheerful as he beamed at her proudly.

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Raven stared at herself naked in the mirror, her bare feet on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. She looked the same…and yet different. It was obvious _Gar_ had grown but looking at herself she wasn't as drastically different. She had filled out some, both in the hips and the bust. She figured along with the passing years- bearing a _child_ played a part in that. She traced her fingers over where her trim waist flared out to her hips, following a few thin scratches. She shivered as she touched them. She obviously didn't do that to _herself_ and considering she had matching scratches on the other side she could only assume that they were left by a pair of hands…

Raven squeezed her eyes shut, forcing herself to take deep breaths. It was obvious her and Gar were…physically intimate. They had a _daughter_ together for Azar's sake. But seeing the evidence right here on her body made it all the more real. Opening her eyes slowly, she continued to observe the slight changes imprinted on her skin. She touched a small rounded mark around her collarbone, clearly healing, but with the slightest indentations that if she were to make a guess- most likely came from fanged teeth-

Raven groaned, grasping the counter before her.

She briefly wondered what Gar saw when he looked at her. Now that he had apparently seen _all_ of her…was it weird? Is this what people go through after sleeping with someone? Raven frowned. This was all so confusing and unfair. She didn't _do_ anything. Well, technically she didn't _remember_ doing anything but that didn't mean _he_ didn't. Raven blushed. He saw her naked. They had sex. The proof was there. Not just on her body but the walking, talking, _daughter_ they made together.

Raven realized she was breathing fast and she whispered her mantra under her lips. This wasn't good. Just when she thought she was slowly- _achingly_ slowly- easing herself in to these drastic changes something else happens- she had to get a hold of herself.

Raven forced her gaze back up, taking in her body once more.

Is this what he saw?

Did he like what he saw?

Raven frowned. She shouldn't care what he thought. This was _her_ body. All that should matter was if _she_ was happy with herself.

But she realized some part of her did care. The stupid, annoying, blushing part of her _cared_ -

With meticulous fingers Raven brushed at a bruise near her ribs. It looked like it was a few days into healing. She obviously hadn't taken care of it during her trance. Maybe her body was dealing with the mess in her mind? She didn't know but that bruise didn't look good. For a second she wondered if Garfield left it but just as quickly she pushed that thought away. The bruise didn't look like a handprint. It looked like someone…hit her. There was no way he would leave such a grisly injury.

It must have been those supposed cult people that she knew nothing about. She let her aura heal the blemish the best she could before directing her gaze back towards the few marks Gar created.

She didn't understand. She could obviously _heal_. At least small things in the current fluctuated state her powers were in so _why_ didn't the "complete memory Raven" _heal_ herself?

Raven glared at herself in the mirror, calling up her powers once more but just as she was about to get rid of some of the scratches he left behind she froze. It wouldn't _hurt_ to leave some, right? She wasn't sure where those obtrusive thoughts came from. There was no reason _not_ to get rid of them either. Her magic wavered. But erasing that would be like erasing pieces of the past she couldn't remember.

Raven sighed, dropping her arms back to her side.

Fine.

His marks would stay.

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Raven walked down the familiar hall that led to her room, feeling Gar's recognizable presence already inside. As soon as the door slid open Penny grabbed something from the nightstand and started walking towards her with slow, purposeful steps.

"She'll burn herself," Raven cautioned, watching the girl tiptoe closer, balancing a cup of tea in her small hands.

Gar stood from the bed, making his way towards her as the door slid shut. "Nah, don't worry she'll be fine." But Raven couldn't help but feel anxious. What if the girl spilled the scalding liquid over herself? Gar seemed to realize his words hadn't placated her and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "It's just a regular cup of water. I made your tea. It's on the dresser."

"I hear you, Daddy!" Penny shouted, decidedly giving up on her task. She set the mug right down on the floor in the middle of the room and skipped towards them.

Gar smiled sheepishly at Raven. "The ears aren't just for show." He grabbed her real tea for her and handed it over without any fanfare. Raven took a careful sip, feeling his nervousness. She was astounded to find that the tea was made flawlessly to her liking. "How is it?" he asked hesitantly.

"It's perfect," she admitted, her eyes meeting his. "Have you done this before?"

"Yeah," he said, smiling. "You could say that."

She decided not to pry anymore, instead taking in her room. Or what _was_ her room. Changes had clearly been made. The room looked _brighter_. Happier. Some of her old trinkets and decorations had been put away and in their place stood things that were clearly _his_. But one thing seemed to keep garnering her attention since she first entered the room.

"Is that your bed?" she asked Penny, gesturing towards the crib in the corner. As soon as the words slipped out of her mouth she wanted to take them back. It was subdued and small but she could _sense-_

"No, Mama!" Penny said, clinging to her legs. "That bed for babies. I'm no baby."

Gar swooped in and grabbed his daughter, gathering her into his arms. "But you _are_ my baby," he cooed, kissing her on the forehead.

"Icky, Daddy!" the girl laughed, pushing at his face with small hands.

Raven felt her heartbeat pick up. No… it couldn't be…

Clearly Gar heard the change and moved closer to her, gently grasping her shoulder. "You okay, Rae?"

Raven stared at the crib, clearly a gift from their friends. Their influences showed. Cyborg had no doubt built it but a mobile hung from above that she had a sneaking suspicion came from Starfire. All five of the Titans in toy form gently spun in a circle, a familiar theme twinkling around the room.

"You didn't tell me…" she said softly, setting down her tea which suddenly did _not_ feel calming.

Gar shifted nervously, placing Penny down on the floor to let her go entertain herself with some toys in the corner of the room. "I didn't want to overwhelm you right away," he explained.

Silently Raven moved towards the crib, bracing herself for what she would see. She could feel Gar follow behind her and together they peered over the panel. Now Raven figured out where two of those three extra auras around the Tower came from. She swallowed, staring at the little baby in front of her.

"We don't have three, right?" she asked quietly, unable to tear her gaze away from the sleeping body before her.

Gar chuckled, gripping the top of the crib softly. "No, just two. I promise," he said. She could feel his gaze on her. "Well…"

She looked at him sharply. "Well, _what_?"

Gar laughed. "I mean, unless you're pregnant again but-"

" _What?_ " she blurted.

Gar held up his hands quickly. "NO! No, you're _not_. I was just saying-"

"How would you _know_?" she asked, her hand automatically going to her stomach.

Gar looked at her with- was that _pity_? "You're not pregnant, Rae. I would know," he said seriously. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have joked like that. I…it sometimes slips my mind that you don't- that I can't say-" he grumbled. "I don't know. The memory thing. It's only been a few hours. It's an adjustment for all of us."

Raven looked at him carefully, still thinking about the guarantee in his previous statement. "But how do you know?" she asked, trying to calm her racing heart. Everything was just piling on top of each other one after the other-

"I knew both times," he said. "With Penny and Mark."

"Mark…" the name slipped out of her mouth with ease, just like it did with Penny the first time around.

Gar nodded. "I knew before you actually."

"That can't be true," she said, wrapping her arms around herself.

"It is," he said, chuckling. "I smelled the changes in your scent before anything else. It was subtle but I'm really attuned to your…" he trailed off, clearing his throat. "Just- I knew okay?" he said, seeming unsure of which _words_ he was even allowed to say.

"You don't have to censor yourself for me," she said, looking back into the crib as Mark started to wake up, making cute little sounds that only babies could make. "If we want my memories to come back I'm sure we should try and keep some things…the same." She was going to say _normal_ but none of this was _normal_. Not for her.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said, smiling.

Raven stared into the crib- at the _boy_ in awe. "He's…he's small."

Garfield smiled softly, reaching down to gently caress his cheek with a finger. "Yeah, he's pretty small."

"He's tiny," she said, in astonishment. "When did…how long ago…?"

"He's only a few months old," Gar said fondly. "As for tiny, you should see his earlier pictures. He was born too early."

Raven looked at him in surprise. "Why? What happened?" For some reason she already _felt_ for this child. It was as if her body knew this was _her_ baby even if her mind didn't. She felt concern.

Garfield's face shrouded in darkness as he frowned. "Some assholes attacked the Tower," he murmured, pulling his hand out of the crib as his claws automatically elongated. "They were after you," he said, looking at her. "You couldn't fight."

Raven scowled. "Excuse you."

He shook his head. "No, you literally didn't have your powers," he said. "It happened for both your pregnancies." He trailed off, remembering something she obviously couldn't. "Well, the stress might have been too much and you went into labor."

Raven turned to look at Mark. "It was my fault?"

" _No_ , Raven," Gar said, grasping her hand. "It wasn't anyone's fault. And he's fine. He's healthy. He's growing."

She met his eyes once more, swallowing thickly. "I wish I could remember, Gar," she admitted.

Garfield gave her a sad smile, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear before deciding otherwise. As natural as that gesture would have been for _him_ it wasn't for her. She noticed his hesitation and for some reason felt her heart wrench.

Doing her best to ignore the tumult of emotions Raven glanced down at Mark when he started making little fussing sounds again. His skin was pale with a hint of grey but she really thought he would be able to pass as "normal." She reached in to brush his soft hair. It was dark, almost black, but she could see the hints of green glinting in the light. His eyes were purple, the only thing that was slightly strange about him.

"He…he looks _normal_ ," she said, touching his locks. "Even his ears."

Gar chuckled. "I don't know about that. There's a slight point to them, see?" he said, reaching down so his hand grazed against hers and guided her to touch the tip of their sons ear. He let go relatively quickly, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. "Not as apparent as Penny's and definitely not like mine but they're there. I think he takes after you more."

Raven looked at the baby. "He has my eyes," she said.

"He does," Gar said, looking at her with a soft smile. He glanced back at Mark. "Vic likes to make fun of me by saying he could be anyone's though," he said, rolling his eyes.

"I guess he could," Raven said, staring at Mark's dark hair.

Garfield's emotions shifted immediately. Like someone doused his affection and left behind a smoldering _something_ she couldn't quite put a name to it. She looked at him in surprise, noticing a frown on his face.

"What do you mean it could?" he asked, shuffling nervously. His emotions felt dark and it hit her that to anyone else- in this moment- he could come off as _scary_. But to her he didn't. He just looked disgruntled and out of place.

"Just that he could be anyone's baby," Raven said slowly. "If you didn't look for the details."

Gar looked at her for a moment longer, his eyes searching hers before he looked down at Mark again. "Oh, okay," he said.

Raven frowned. "Why?"

"Why what?" Gar avoided.

"Why are you upset?" she asked.

Gar groaned and she could feel him trying to muffle his broadcasted emotions. "It's stupid."

"Tell me."

He looked at her. "Raven, so I know you don't remember everything, okay? So when I hear you say something like…like Mark isn't mine- it just twists my stomach up into knots, okay? Because he _is_ mine. He's _ours_. And- _ugh._ I know this isn't fair to you. You didn't choose to have this," he said, gesturing widely. "You didn't choose to be with me or have kids with me and- and _I don't know_. Basically, now if you wanted you could have another choice. I wouldn't…I wouldn't force you to do anything. I wouldn't force you to stay. But it's just the idea- the thought that that _yeah_ you _could_ have another baby with someone else. Someone that _wasn't me_. It just…"

He was breathing heavily at that point and Raven stood in shock as all the words that just spilled out of his mouth registered in her head.

"Gar…"

"I'm sorry," he said immediately. "I know this was a lot. I didn't mean to- I don't want to cause you any more stress. I'm going to do my best to make this easier for you, okay?"

Raven stared at him, speechless.

He was too good.

He was too good to her.

And once again, Raven felt lost.

.

.

* * *

 _Author's Note:_

I haven't written a multichapter fic in years so I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I'm enjoying writing it! Please take a few seconds to leave a review, it's awesome to hear from you.

I'll eventually have chapters that are more in Gar's POV to see how he's dealing with all this too. Anyway, let me know what you liked, what you want to see, etc. etc.

Until the next one,

Magma


	3. Lost But Not Alone

Chapter 3 – **Lost. But Not Alone**

* * *

.

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"Can I play with Mar'i?"

Raven turned from the window to look back at her… _daughter_ who stood at the door, trying to reach the button to slide it open. She watched in amusement as Penny jumped futilely, her hand slapping against the metal door.

"Dadddddyyy!" she whined, turning to look at her father who chuckled heartily before getting up from the bed. At first it was a bit strange to see him lounging on her bed like he belonged there but she quickly realized…it wasn't that weird at all.

"Yeah, go for it," he said, letting the door slide open. "You know where she is right now?"

"Nope!" the girl said, dashing out of the exit and down the hall.

Gar laughed, leaning out the door to make sure she made it to the end without falling. He let the door slide shut, smiling to himself before flopping down onto the bed again. Raven shifted, unsure of what to do with herself. Now that the girl was gone the room felt quieter.

"How do you know she'll find her way to the common room?" she asked. "The Tower's huge. What if she gets lost?"

"She's been here the whole three years of her life," he said, watching as the setting sun bounced off Raven's hair. "And also, I'm always listening to her little footsteps," he grinned, pointing at his ears.

Raven pushed away from the windowsill before walking towards the bed, tentatively sitting on the corner. "Who's Mar'i?" She had an idea but she needed to hear it.

Gar grinned. "Dick and Star's daughter of course. She's a year older than Penny. She got Dick's black hair but the rest of her is all Star, in my opinion."

"You said Penny was three," Raven started, picking at the sheets. "She seems advanced for a three year old."

"Yeah, I guess," Gar said, shrugging and casually shifting closer to her as if testing her boundaries. He maintained a couple pillow distances from her but she still didn't know what to think about him being _in her bed_. "I mean you gotta expect us to have a smart baby with _my_ brains."

Raven snorted. "Oh, that must be it." They settled down in silence for a few moments, listening to Mark shift around in his crib. "Do they have powers?" she asked. "Our…our kids."

"Oh. Yeah, actually. Well, at least Penny does. We don't know about Mark yet."

"I heard you two in the hall before. She transformed?"

Gar beamed. "Yeah. For some reason, kittens are what she feels most natural in. I guess it makes sense. Cats would be easier than, like, fish or birds because at least they're still mammals."

Raven was honestly impressed with the thought he put into all of this. She briefly wondered if he put these same considerations into it when _he_ first learned to hone his powers or if this was just his…fathering instincts kicking in. "I'm sure it has nothing to do with _the face_."

Gar laughed. "But she's not allowed to use her powers right now." At her questioning gaze Gar continued. "Honestly, it's because I'm afraid she won't be able to change back. When you turn into the animal their instincts come with it and what if Penny decides to go to the nearest sunny spot and curl up and take a nap forever? God, I'd freak out."

Raven understood but felt an unfamiliar urge to tease him. "Can't you just turn into a cat and wake her up?"

Gar stared at her pointedly. "That's not the first time you said that to me," he admitted. "You'd be like, I prefer you in cat form Garfield. And cue Vic making lasagna jokes."

Raven felt a smile tug at her lips but she suppressed it. "Speaking of names. Why Penny?"

For some reason Raven didn't know, Garfield blushed. "Ah, yeah. You know that penny I gave you when we were younger?" Raven was silent. Of course she remembered that. She felt her own blush paint her cheeks, matching him. She kept that penny. "You told me about it one day. I don't know. It was such a small but significant moment in our lives. It felt right. So we named her Penny. Honestly, we were also thinking of naming her Marie, after my mother, but Star sort of beat us to it. Don't blame them though. They had no idea. Their kid was born on Tamaran. As for Mark-"

"He's named after your father," she spoke automatically, feeling the wheels turn in her head. Raven did remember having a conversation with Beast Boy some time after the Brotherhood of Evil and their trip to Japan about his past. It was a short conversation but a deep one. And so, naming their son Mark felt natural.

Gar smiled, looking excited for a moment. "Yeah, that's right. You remember that?"

Raven shook her head. "Probably not the way you're thinking. We talked about it once a long time ago."

Raven saw his shoulders droop just the slightest. "Oh yeah. Oh well, at least you remember that." They sat in comfortable silence for a while before Gar's ear twitched and he rolled out of bed, heading straight to the crib. He picked Mark up just as the boy started fussing, cradling him in his arms before he could even think about crying. "He sleeps a lot," Gar murmured, staring fondly at his son. "He's actually a really calm baby. Penny sure wasn't."

"For some reason that doesn't surprise me," Raven said, getting up to stand beside him hesitantly.

"She was our little bit of luck," he continued softly, clearly reminiscing on moments she couldn't recall. "At least we didn't name her after that stuffed chicken." At Raven's incredulous look he laughed. "Oh yeah, I know you kept that too." Raven felt flustered, unsure of what to say. "You want to hold him?" Gar asked. Seeing her hesitation he spoke again. "You can tell me what you're worried about, Rae."

"It's stupid."

"Even better."

Raven paused. "What if I drop him?"

Gar laughed loudly at that. "You're right. That was stupid."

Raven scowled at him. "I haven't held many babies in my life. Let alone…my own."

Gar smiled at her. "You held him plenty of times before. You didn't think so when you were pregnant, but you were pretty much a natural. I think it's your empathy." She still wasn't convinced. "You held Teether before."

Raven sighed. She did _want_ to hold the child. She felt it deep inside her. Gar seemed to accept her unspoken declination and for some reason that solidified her resolve to do the opposite. She held out her arms resolutely, staring at him with a fierce expression. If this was going to be her life now…

Gar gently placed Mark in her arms and she cuddled him close, the little boy staring at her with familiar purple eyes. She couldn't get over how small he looked. He looked tinier in Gar's arms but felt just as small in her own.

"He's beautiful," she breathed out.

Raven felt Gar's affection brush over her. Even though she felt it plenty of times that day it still surprised her, sending a pleasant shiver down her spine. It did seem mellower and more subdued than when she first felt it in the med bay so, clearly, he was really trying hard not to overwhelm her but he was also not hiding anything, which she could appreciate.

They stood together for a while as he tried to slowly fill her in with a few details he thought was okay to share.

"I don't want to tell you everything in case it messes with your memories," he had said. At her confused look he tried to put his thought process into words. "Like, I don't want to leave you with fake memories, you know? Once you get your regular memories back I don't want things to be even more convoluted."

It made sense. In a way. So he told her about some things. Starfire and Dick were together still and that didn't surprise her. He told her they had some ups and downs but eventually Mar'i was born and things seemed to settle down. Cyborg was in a relationship with a civilian teacher, Sarah Simms. He told her how crime had died down pretty significantly the last couple of years but by no means was it completely eradicated.

Raven appreciated him taking the time to summarize some of the things she…missed. She was starting to get used to the weight of Mark in her arms and didn't realize how tired she was until a yawn slipped past her mouth.

"Well, I guess you should get to bed," Gar suggested.

"I'm fine," she said. "I've been out for days, according to Penny."

"According to her, you were only down for a couple hours," Gar said, laughing. "But your healing trances don't exactly count as sleep. You know that." Raven looked at him, wondering when she told him that little bit of information. "Here, let me take Mark." Gar reached over, his hand grazing against her side. She involuntarily flinched when he made contact with the residual bruise. "What's wrong?" he asked, retracting his touch immediately.

"Nothing," she said, her arms feeling light and empty without the little boy in them. "I guess I didn't heal it completely."

"Heal what?"

"Just some bruise."

Gar was silent for a moment. "I- that wasn't _me_ was it?" She could feel his agitation and his line of questioning suddenly made _her_ nervous as she thought about the other marks on her body.

"No," she said, unable to meet his gaze. "I don't think it was you."

"Okay…" Gar said slowly. Raven could feel his hesitation. "Are you sure? Because…well, sometimes, I tend to leave…uh, scratches."

Now Raven couldn't help the blush that crossed her cheeks. "I'm sure," she said. "It looked pretty recent so it was probably that cult. I don't know."

The immediate change in his emotions forced her to look at him. She didn't even have to be an empath to see the anger on his face, such a strange combination with the tender way he supported Mark in his arms.

"It'll heal," she said, for some reason feeling like she had to console him. She didn't like to see him so distressed.

"I know," he mumbled, gritting his teeth.

She didn't understand why he had such an adverse reaction to this and debated whether or not she should ask. Gar had turned to the crib and started to gather up a few of the blankets inside while Raven watched in confusion.

"What are you-?"

"Raven, do you know why I'm mad?" he asked, turning to face her again. "I know you can feel it." She could. But his eyes looked _sad_ and it was confusing. She shook her head, unable to come up with the words to say to him. "Because I'm mad at _myself_ ," he said, his voice breaking. "That you had to suffer and I wasn't able to stop it. And now- now I don't even know what to do."

Raven was stuck.

She was never really a talkative person and now all _this?_

"You don't have to say anything," he continued. Of course. It was like he _knew_ all of her worries and insecurities. He was so in tuned to her and it was constantly surprising her.

An erratic tapping sounded from the door and Gar immediately went over to open it. Penny stumbled in, her hair looking wilder than before.

"Mar'i flying," she said happily, running around the room. "Auntie Star flew me too!"

"Sounds like you had a fun time," Gar said, all of his anger dissolving the moment the little girl entered the room. "You tired out yet?"

"Nope!"

Gar met Raven's gaze and just smirked, mouthing, _"Wait for it."_

Soon enough the girl grew bored of running and plopped herself down right onto the floor next to her abandoned cup of water, her eyelids drooping heavily.

"She really is just like a little kitten," Raven said.

Gar snorted. "Yeah." He bent down to look at Penny. "Ready for bed, honey?"

"Okay, Daddy," she relented, yawning loudly before walking towards the bed. "I wanna sleep with you guys tonight."

"Does she have her own room?" Raven asked.

"Yeah," he said. "One of the extra rooms in the hall was converted for her when we told the rest of the team you were expecting."

"Mark sleeps here?"

Garfield nodded. "Yeah. In our room. Uh- I mean, this room. I'll take him tonight though. We have an extra crib of Penny's left in my room. Vic had insisted on making a new one for Mark," he said, looking down at his son who was already nodding off again. Before Raven could even think about protesting Gar continued talking. "This is new for you, I get it. I want to help you adjust and I don't know if a crying baby would help."

Raven was silent.

"Come on Penny," Gar said, waving towards the girl.

"I wan' sleep with Mama," Penny spoke, struggling to climb onto the raised bed. It was slightly more elevated than she remembered it being. Beast Boy always did prefer sleeping on his top bunk…

Raven watched the little girl struggle with the tiniest smile on her face before Gar walked over and scooped her up in his other arm, carefully balancing the children. Raven took in the sight. There was something…endearing about seeing him holding onto the two kids. _Their_ two kids.

"Not today," he said to Penny, leaning in to rub his nose against hers. "You're with Daddy tonight."

"Whaaat," Penny said, confusion evident in her voice. The little girl glanced back at Raven. "Where you goin'?"

"To Daddy's room," he answered, nodding to Raven as a good night. He turned to head towards the door and Penny craned her little head over his shoulder, waving a small hand somberly.

Raven waved back, her stomach flipping uncomfortably for a reason she couldn't name. He was giving her time to process everything but…

"But this your room Daddy," Penny said, watching Raven with a pout as the door slid open. Garfield apparently deemed not to answer. The door slid shut behind them and Raven heard Penny's voice again. "But Daddy, you didn't give Mama her icky g'night kiss!"

Raven felt her cheeks go hot as she wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling so out of place in her own room.

No. This wasn't _her_ room anymore. This was _their_ room.

She turned off the lights and climbed into bed, staring out into the darkness.

It was too quiet.

And lonely.

Raven slept very little that night.

.

.

* * *

 _Author's Note:_

If you find I don't update for a while please do leave a review lol it reminds me that there are people waiting and sometimes I just get caught up in school work. Thank you so much to those who have reviewed so far. It's really encouraging.

Next chapter will most likely be more Gar oriented in perspective. More time will pass and we'll see how our green boy is dealing with this mess. And maybe even get to say hi to Grandma Rita.

(Also, if anyone wants a look into some of the memories Raven is missing check out my one-shot collection Influential Love. Technically, the two stories aren't directly connected but they could be maybe…I don't know).

Until then,

Magma


	4. Grass is NOT Greener

Chapter 4 – **Grass is NOT Greener**

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Day after day went by and nothing seemed to move forward.

It felt more like a series of moments than a smooth, continuous few weeks.

Gar didn't know what to do.

He wanted to support her. He _would_ support her but he was at a loss. What _could_ he do? He was a constant presence in Raven's life, as per usual, but it all felt…a little off. It wasn't awkward or anything he just didn't feel as…natural.

Raven looked the same. She looked _exactly_ the same. She smelled the same. She was as witty and gorgeous and reliable and sexy and smart as ever and he sometimes forgot that she wasn't the same. Not on the inside. He was so accustomed to freely teasing her (which, frankly, he still did because _that_ was nothing new). But now he was also used to _touching_ her. And that was an absolute no-no.

"Daddy."

Gar blinked, pulling himself out of his thoughts at the sound of his daughters voice. He looked down as she tugged at his hand, standing near the edge of the mattress.

"Hungry, Daddy," she said, tugging again. Gar nodded mutely, rolling himself out of the tangled sheets as his daughter walked to the crib settled beside the bed, peering through the bars. "Markie still nappy," she whispered, watching her little brother.

"Yeah, he's just like your dad in that aspect," Gar said, yawning as he arranged the sheets. A habit he got from Raven after they, you know, started _sharing_ a bed. He made sure the baby monitor was properly positioned so he could keep an eye on his sleeping boy before heading towards the door, fluffing Penny's hair as she trailed along behind him. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Waffa's!"

"And you take after your mom in that," Gar said, chuckling. "Waffle's it is. Next you're going to tell me you want _tea_ too."

Penny made a face. "Icky."

.

.

Gar had recently noticed Raven was spending an awful amount of her free time with Starfire. Well, maybe not. No one else seemed to think it was a great deal of time but to him it felt like it. It felt more than usual at least but most things were unusual now anyway so maybe this was the new normal? He wasn't really sure how he felt about it and he tried not to dwell on things too much.

As the days passed he had reverted back to hiding most of his emotions from Raven. When they first starting dating he had let down some of those shields he learned to make from Mento. He trusted her and he wanted her to know what he felt about her. But now…he wasn't sure. Was it overwhelming for her to sense his feelings? She had always told him that his emotions, just like the rest of his demeanor, were loud.

Mark fussed in his arms, staring up at him with wide purple eyes. Gar stared back. What a nice, beautiful purple.

"You look like your mom, you know that?" he murmured, touching Mark's soft, chubby cheek.

Mark babbled, lifting his little hands towards Gar's face. Sometimes Gar swore the baby understood how he was feeling just like Raven would. It didn't slip his mind that that could very possibly be true.

A soft knock sounded from the door and with a quick sniff he knew just who it was. "Speak of the devil," he said, chuckling to himself. "Or half demon. Close enough. It's your mommy." Gar let the door slide open and Raven looked at him before her eyes drifted to Mark, who was still grasping for Gar's face.

"Dinner's ready. Taco night, apparently," she informed him.

"Great," Gar said, stepping out into the hallway with her. "A wide array of meats and cheeses."

"I made sure Victor cooked some beans," she said, falling in step beside him as they traveled towards the common room.

"Oh, wow, thanks," he said, glancing at her. "You know, Rae. You don't have to knock before coming into my room."

He didn't expect her to say anything.

So he was really surprised when she did.

"Okay," she said, nodding. "I'll keep that in mind."

Gar smiled.

.

.

"I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells," Gar complained, pacing around Cyborg's room. The older Titan was packing in preparation for some quality time off with his girlfriend. "And I'm not blaming her! This is not her fault at all. I just- I don't know what I'm allowed to say or what I'm allowed to do."

"Just do what you would normally do," Cyborg suggested, grabbing a couple shiny metal things Gar didn't know the name of. "Isn't that what you're trying?"

Gar shrugged. "Vic, you know how long it took for Rae to get comfortable with…with us being an _us_. And now…I have to start over and I don't even know if she wants to!"

"You're being ridiculous," Cyborg said. "She's still Raven. Sure, she's a confused Raven but, Gar, she fell for you once. Hell, I'm sure those feelings are still there."

Gar looked glum, his mouth working a mile a minute. "Sometimes I get the urge to just hold her hand or something, you know? I don't even think about it. It's just something I _do_ occasionally and- you know how many times I had to catch myself? She's Raven. I see her as _mine_ and I know that's stupid. But she's – I don't want to make her uncomfortable but sometimes it honestly slips my mind that this person who looks exactly like _my_ Raven isn't mentally at that same level."

"Look at how she is with your kids," Cyborg said, crossing his arms as he turned to face his friend. "She adores them in a Raven-y way. She's still there, Gar. That's still Raven. Sure, maybe younger in mentality. But it's Raven."

Gar groaned. "I _know_ but-"

"Okay, try this," Cyborg started. "There are a couple things you could do. One being _nothing_. See what happens. Which is sort of what you're doing now. Which is _fine_. Another, probably less pleasant option, is to just…let her go. Single dad it up."

Gar glowered. "That's not funny."

"I know," Cyborg said seriously. "I don't see Raven abandoning anyone. Not the kids. Not you."

Gar fidgeted. "What if- I… it's stupid but what if she's like okay with the kids and stuff which she _is-_ she's pretty awesome with them but still-"

"Gar, you're rambling."

Gar took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "What if she doesn't want _me_?" he asked, his voice strained. "I mean, obviously, I'm happy she's clicking with Penny and Mark but is it…is it selfish of me to wish we were connecting like usual too?"

Cyborg looked at Gar sadly. "It's not selfish. It absolutely makes sense for you to feel that way. She just needs time."

"I almost kissed her last night," he confessed after a beat of silence. "I didn't mean to. It was probably like a half second slip up but I couldn't tell by her expression if I made her uncomfortable or how many steps backward I just forced us to take."

"Don't talk to me about kissing Raven," Cyborg said, shuddering as he zipped up his luggage.

Gar snorted, staring at him pointedly while idly picking at some tools on a desk. "We got two kids, Cy."

"One definitely," Cyborg said slyly, his human eye twinkling mischievously. "I don't know about Mark."

"Ah, shut up!" Gar laughed, throwing a wrench he found lying on the table at him. Cyborg knocked it to the side, the tool clattering uselessly on to the floor as the two friends laughed. "He has green hair. It's just dark. But watch. When his teeth start growing in properly I bet there'll be a cute little fang."

.

.

Gar was trying to play video games with his daughter when Raven walked into the common room with Mark in her arms. He looked at her questioningly from the couch and she just shrugged.

"He was crying," she stated.

"You heard that all the way from my room?" he asked, tilting his head and sticking a finger in his ear as if to clean it of anything clogging it up. " _I_ didn't even hear anything." He turned to Penny. "Did _you_ hear anything?" he asked his daughter, tugging softly at her pointed little ears. She giggled and dissented loudly.

Raven shook her head, moving into the kitchen as Gar watched her movements with sharp eyes. "I _felt_ him," she said quietly. "He was going to cry."

A pleasant emotion bubbled inside of him at the thought of Raven being so in tune with their son.

"Oh," Gar said as Raven approached the couch, standing behind the father and daughter pair. Gar had let the game go on as Penny tried to get the hang of driving her vehicle. He was already way ahead of her. He could afford to lose a bit of his lead if she figured out how to utilize bonus items.

"I let Penny play video games?" Raven asked, glancing down at him with raised brows.

Gar stiffened. "Uh…"

Penny giggled, looking slyly at her father.

Gar saw the corner of Raven's mouth quirk upwards. "I thought so."

.

.

A few days after, Nightwing and Starfire went to Gotham with Mar'i while Cyborg and Sarah continued with their vacation on the East coast. Nightwing prohibited Raven from going out on missions until he found out more about this relentless cult that had seemed to be getting more and more fearless. And someone had to watch the kids anyway. So Changeling would go and try to handle things on his own. It wasn't too bad. There weren't many incidents but when there were he'd come back completely exhausted.

Gar dragged himself into the shower, quickly washing off the dirt and grime that coated his body from being thrown around. He walked down the hall towards his bedroom, his muscles sore and screaming for rest. At first he had automatically turned in the direction of his shared room with Raven but quickly caught himself a couple steps in. He did this a lot more during the start of Raven's amnesia but as the days passed he started getting used to the adjustment. Sort of. But he wasn't sure how he felt about getting accustomed to the change. It made things feel more permanent. And not in a good way.

As he approached his room he could hear Penny talking cheerfully to…

Was Raven…?

Sure enough, when Gar entered his "old" bedroom he found Raven seated on his bed watching while Penny spoke to her brother through the bars of the crib. He knew it was probably wrong to think it- and he felt extremely guilty about it for some reason but…seeing Raven on his bed brought back memories of when they _first_ started dating. The sneaking around and stolen kisses... She wasn't even doing anything but sitting there looking adorable and innocent but it warmed his heart.

"How was the fight?" Raven asked when the door slid shut behind him.

"Not bad," he said, shrugging. He tossed his clothes into the hamper before stretching his aching muscles.

"I can heal you," she said. "If you want."

"Are your powers back to one hundred percent?" he questioned, leaning against the dresser with his arms crossed.

"I don't know what one hundred percent is for me anymore," she admitted, getting off the bed with glowing hands. "But I am stronger." She placed her hands on his shoulder and Gar felt the steady coolness of her powers seep into his body, taking away the injuries one at a time. He watched her carefully as she slid her hands down his arm, healing a tendon he hardly noticed he had pulled. "Can you move away from the dresser?" she requested softly.

Silently Gar stepped closer to her so she could reach around to take care of whatever cut or bruise he sustained on his back. From this distance her pleasant scent was so much more apparent and he felt a shiver run down his spine. Raven glanced up at him, pulling her hands back much to Gar's dissatisfaction. But then she brought her fingers up to his face, hesitating for a moment before letting her palm rest against his cheek. She traced the angle of his jaw before brushing her fingers against his lips. Gar didn't realize he was holding his breath until her healing aura lit up again, taking care of a cut he got from his own fang when someone punched him in the face.

She retreated the instant she was done. Gar watched her as she stood in the center of his room, looking unsure of what to do with herself. She was so confusing. It wasn't just hopeful thinking – he _knew_ there was no reason for her to linger so much on his face or his cheeks or his lips…and the way she touched him seemed more…curious? Maybe the last part _was_ just him being optimistic.

He cleared his throat, stepping towards her. "Thank you."

She looked at him and nodded, her face giving away nothing.

Gar wanted to say something else- _anything_ else but he couldn't come up with the right words. Since when would he be tongue tied when it came to talking to Raven?

"I wan' sleep with Mama," Penny suddenly interjected, holding on to Gar's pant leg as she stared up at him with something strikingly similar to "the face." In a way Gar was relieved she broke the silence.

"You don't want to sleep in your own room?" Gar asked, tousling her hair.

The girl pressed her face into his leg, shaking her head. "No," came her muffled voice.

Gar looked up at Raven questioningly only to see her staring at the girl with a curious expression on her face.

"You can sleep with me, Penny," Raven spoke after a few short seconds of silence.

Penny's reaction was immediate. She released the grip she had on her father and leapt towards Raven who seemed to expect her excitement this time.

"Will you read to me, Mama?" Penny asked, lifting Raven's cloak and wrapping herself in it. Gar snorted at the affronted expression on Raven's face as Penny pretended to walk a short distance like a model would.

"Of course," Raven said, moving towards the door as Penny dragged her along.

"G'night, Daddy!" Penny shouted, tugging harder on the cloak.

Raven glanced back at him briefly right before the door slid shut, whispering a quiet, "Good night, Gar."

"Good night, Rae," he sighed, touching his lips where her fingers were just a few moments before.

.

.

Gar held his old Doom Patrol communicator in his hand, patiently waiting for the dark screen to light up.

"Hello, Garfield. How are my grandbabies?"

"Hi, Rita," Gar said, taking a seat on the island's shore as the moon cast a glow across the water. With the kids safely put in bed he decided to take some time to unwind a bit. "Missing their grandma, of course."

"Penny is still her energetic self I hope? She reminds me so much of you when you were just a kid."

Gar laughed. "You can't have favorites, Rita."

"I don't!" she exclaimed, gasping dramatically. "It's not my fault Mark is still so young. I haven't had the chance to see him as much. You have to stop by with them both one day, okay?"

"We will," Gar agreed readily.

Rita smiled fondly at Gar through the monitor. "And Raven? How is she?"

Garfield's ears drooped just the slightest as the wind picked up around him. "She doesn't remember," he said quietly, his hand gripping the communicator forcefully.

"Oh, Gar…" He swallowed tightly; trying to find the right words that would encapsulate the weight of his feelings but coming up empty. "It'll work out," Rita added gently.

"Yeah," Gar said, guilt overwhelming him when he felt unsure if that was true. He sighed, looking at his adopted mother with sad eyes. "What do you do when the person you love forgets?"

.

.

Two weeks had passed and there seemed to be no change in Raven's memories. Gar tried his best not to get too disgruntled. But he _hated_ not being able to do anything. What _could_ he do? The stupid cult was off the grid. And he didn't even know what capacity they had to even wipe someone's memory. _Did_ they even do it? It made no sense. He just wanted to find them and- and _hurt_ them for whatever they did to her-

Gar growled, scrubbing furiously at the pan, the water hot and scalding as it poured from the faucet.

Where were they now anyway? They loved to intermittently insert themselves into their lives _before_ so where-

Penny hummed cheerfully behind him, tapping her fork against her plate.

Even Dick couldn't find much on them-

The common room doors slid open and Raven floated in, Mark on her hip.

"'Morning, Mama!" Penny said cheerfully, some of her eggs flinging off her fork.

"Good morning, Penny," Raven greeted, handing her daughter a napkin once she reached the counter. "Always clean up after yourself."

Penny nodded obediently, still humming something that sounded suspiciously like Mark's crib mobile music. "Daddy made eggs, Mama," Penny said, attempting to stab a grape in a separate bowl with her fork.

"Tofu?" her mother questioned.

Penny shook her head, giving up on using the utensil and instead shoving fruit into her mouth with her hands. She paused. "Maybe tofu?"

Gar snorted, drying off his hands as he properly faced his family.

His _family_.

The thought of it still sent satisfying tingles through his body but now…it also came with confusion.

"Your Mama isn't a big fan of tofu either," Gar said, leaning his elbows up against the kitchen island as Raven took a seat on the stool beside Penny. He nudged a full plate of eggs towards her just as the teakettle whistled.

"Did you eat?" Raven asked after thanking him for the food. She nibbled on her eggs as if testing whether they truly were tofu or not. Seeming satisfied that they were _not_ she took fuller bites.

"Yea, I'll-"

"Nuh uh!" Penny interrupted. "Daddy didn' eat!"

Raven looked at him with a quirked brow.

"I totally did," he defended, leaning over to steal a couple grapes from Penny's bowl. "See look!"

Penny slapped her small hands against her father's green one. "Mama, Daddy thiefing!"

Gar noticed a smile tug on Raven's lips as she reached over and stole her own grape. "It's stealing, honey."

"Yeah, it's stealing. _H_ _oney_ ," Gar teased as Penny sat there pouting. He handed Raven the few items she needed for her tea before rummaging in the fridge for more grapes. For some reason he didn't understand, Penny loved grapes. She loved fruit in general. Maybe it was the sweetness-

"You really should eat," came Raven's voice. He turned back to look at her before filling up Penny's bowl. Raven adjusted her grip on Mark when he started to shift around before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Gar followed the movement and it kept replaying in his head. The simple act of fixing her hair- he didn't understand why- "With your metabolism you have to eat a lot more than normal, right?"

"I'll eat," he said, clearing his throat _and_ his head. It warmed him that she remembered even that little detail.

"Is it because it's real eggs?" she asked.

Gar grinned. "Are you _sure_ they're real eggs?"

Raven stopped, her fork halfway to her mouth. "What."

Gar laughed. "Nah, you're right. I'll have cereal in a little while."

Gar watched Raven as she took another dainty bite. Apparently she was contemplating something. He forced himself to look away. Was he staring? Did this constitute staring? He didn't want to be _creepy_ -

"You go through all this trouble to cook a nice breakfast for Penny but all you'll have yourself is cereal?" Raven finally asked, her purple eyes piercing into him.

"And you," Gar added immediately.

"What?"

"The breakfast. It's for you too," he clarified. Gar realized that something about what he said shocked her. He didn't get it. He didn't say anything weird did he? "Uh, I don't mind cereal really-"

" _Why?"_ Raven asked, her brows doing that cute little thing where she'd look a little sad when she was just confused.

"I don't know," he said shrugging. "I guess it's for kids… but cereal tastes good and I don't eat all those sugary ones anymore-"

Raven shook her head. "No, Gar. Why? Why do you do all this for… _us_ and not…"

Gar watched Raven with curious eyes. Clearly this was important to her. He honestly didn't realize what was so perplexing about this situation.

"You mean why do I make sure you guys are fed and taken care of?" he asked carefully.

Raven frowned. "I _guess_ ," she said. Gar could have laughed. She looked so _frustrated_ with herself.

"Raven," he said, moving closer to the island across from her. "They're my kids. Of course I'm going to feed them-"

"I mean, _yes_ , I get that," she huffed. "You just- you didn't cook much before-"

"Yes I did!" Gar defended. "I would offer you my tofu eggs and bacon _all_ the time. You even blew it up in my face once!"

Gar watched a blush make a slow crawl up her neck, bare in the loose shirt she wore. Suddenly he realized- that was _his_ shirt. Gar almost whined. _Damn it. Damn her._ She was so fucking cute and she didn't even realize it. She probably just found it in one of their drawers-

"I had a lot going on," she said, clearly remembering that moment. "But I just mean-"

"I think I get what you mean," Gar said, his gaze moving back up to her eyes and _not_ the shirt that hung so deliciously off her shoulders- baring her collarbone- Gar cleared his throat. "It's an animal instinct sort of thing," he said, suddenly feeling bashful. "I- I take care of the kids in basically all senses of the word. Of course I'll protect them. I'll fight for them. But I'll also make sure they have something to eat. It's just something I have to do, okay?"

Raven stared at him and sometimes he wished _he_ had her weird empathetic abilities because even after so many years sometimes she was just so hard to read.

"Okay," she relented, looking down at her plate again.

"It goes for you too," he added his mouth moving before his brain could catch up. She looked back at him, her eyes searching his. "I need to take care of you too. You're…important to me. You're strong, I know that. But in different ways I _have_ to take care of you. Making you the occasional meal is an easy way to do it."

Raven swallowed and his eyes darted back to her pale throat- his mind going blank-

"Gar-"

"Also, you're a real shitty cook," he blurted, feeling the tips of his ear go red.

Raven's soft expression quickly shifted into a scowl as she rolled her eyes. Mark babbled, quickly gaining her attention and Gar breathed a sigh of relief. That kid always knew when he was in an emotional bind, purposefully or not. He slid over to face Penny instead.

"Done eating?" he asked. Penny nodded, her attention glued to a small device Cyborg had gifted her once. She was watching some show he didn't really care for. "Great, now wash your hands."

Penny slid off her seat carefully and walked over to him. He picked her up with ease, letting her reach for the faucet and rinse her hands before setting her down.

"Daddy, you didn't give Mama her mornin' kiss," Penny said absentmindedly as she wiped her hands dry. "Or her nighty kiss I bet."

Gar felt his cheeks heat up. "You don't even _like_ kisses, Penny," he retorted, suddenly feeling defensive against a _three year old_.

Penny stared up at him with a devious glint in her eyes that reminded him subtly of _Raven_. "Ya, but Mama does." _What_ \- what a mischievous little-

The sound of movement forced his attention back to Raven as she walked towards him with Mark still on her hip and an empty plate in her hand. She placed it into the sink, staring at him briefly with a blank expression. Gar looked back- motionless and tense.

"Rae, I-"

And then suddenly Raven was closer- he could almost _feel_ the heat of her skin as she leaned in close and felt a wisp of her breath caress his face- not to mention her _scent._ He could-

Her lips brushed against his cheek quickly and just as suddenly she was gone, on her way towards the living room with Penny on her trail.

"You kissed Daddy, Mama!" Penny laughed, tugging at Raven's- at _his_ shirt-

"Yes. I did," he heard Raven say softly but everything sounded distant.

She did.

She kissed him.

She _kissed_ him.

"On the cheek!" he heard Penny giggle. "Gross!"

Gar disagreed.

.

.

* * *

 _Author's Note:_

Ahh! Yay! Raven is getting curious. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This chapter was fun. Exploring Gar was great. Each scene was a different moment that happened in those two weeks or so in case it didn't make sense.

Please review! I'm hoping for ten. Let me know what you think, what scenes you liked, what you hope to see, etc. etc. Until then, take care.

Magma


	5. When Raven is Goldilocks

Chapter 5 – **When Raven is Goldilocks**

* * *

.

.

Raven was frustrated.

She sat on top of her sheets with her bedside lamp turned on, casting a dim glow through the rest of the room. In her hands she held one of the picture frames that sat on the table. It was a picture of Gar and Penny some time after she was born. She wore this horrid pink onesie with a little green alien patch sewn on and atop her mop of purple hair was a bright yellow bow. She could only assume the outfit came from Starfire. She couldn't see herself buying that outfit _ever_. But what really got her, especially because of Penny's current aversion towards kisses, was the way Gar held onto the girl tightly, his lips pressed against one of her chubby cheeks.

She wanted to _remember_.

The room was filled with these little memories. A group picture with Penny sitting on top of Gar's shoulders with Raven at his side and Mark in her arms. Another picture of Mark had him wearing this _green_ polar bear coverall with little stubby ears on the hood. It brought a smile to her face. But it also reminded her of everything she was missing.

To top it all off – she couldn't sleep.

She had an uncomfortable couple of nights since she woke up in the med bay. She didn't know what was wrong but she struggled every night. She'd stare up at the ceiling urging sleep to come but it was as evasive as ever. And if she was fortunate enough to fall asleep she was occasionally plagued with bad dreams.

She placed the photo frame back onto the bedside table and turned off the light. When she finally did fall asleep, it was a restless and uncomfortable one. Tonight was one of the worst.

She had another nightmare.

She wasn't sure if it was visions of something that already happened or something her muddled mind had conjured up.

She saw shadows and people shrouded in hoods threatening her and threatening her children. There was fire and blood and unintelligible chanting-

This time when she woke up she found herself on her feet already making her way down the hall to Garfield's room. Without a pause she opened up a portal straight through his door- stopping only when she saw them.

Her family.

Gar shifted in bed, no doubt feeling a new presence in the room but stayed sound asleep. Even unconsciously he knew she was no threat.

She tiptoed towards the bed, for some reason still surprised to see he had forgone his bunk bed at some point in the past few years for a large bed. His limbs were sprawled across it, tangled with the bed sheets but he only took up one third of the bed. Raven smiled at the sight. Penny had spread out close to him, leaving a whole two thirds of the bed unoccupied. Gar could have easily shifted his daughter over but slept with what little space he had to ensure she was comfortable.

Raven felt her heart swell at the sight and forced herself to tear her gaze away as she approached the small crib next to the bed by Garfield.

Mark slept soundly on his back, his mobile still spinning in lazy circles. She smiled at the device. Little plastic color coordinated silhouettes of the team flew above her baby boy, watching over him during the night.

Raven turned back to look at Gar, exhaling softly. Now that she was sure her family was safe she could return to her own room.

But her legs wouldn't cooperate.

And she found she didn't want them to.

Raven moved back towards the available space on the bed, crawling on to it slowly to not wake up the other occupants. She lay on her side, an arms length away from her daughter and her…she didn't know what to call him. Is this what she was missing? This comfort…

Gar shifted again, his arm coming over to cover Penny.

Raven stared at the green hand that rested against the sheets. She felt an urge to bring up her own hand to hold his. How had this happened over the years? How had she become so dependent on him? Raven sighed. No, dependent sounded too negative. Sure, maybe she didn't _need_ him. But maybe she _wanted_ this? She slid her arm across the mattress, stopping a hairs width away from where their skin would touch. She felt her heart beating fast in her chest. Why? She wasn't scared. She was just…

Raven curled her fingers into a fist. It was hard. It was hard being an empath and not understanding your own feelings.

Just as sleep overtook her, words slipped out of her mouth in a whisper before she could even wonder where the thought came from.

"I'll never stop trying to fall back in love with what's already mine."

.

.

The sound of rain drops hitting the window pervaded into Raven's dreams, casting her into a place that was neither complete consciousness nor sleep. She snuggled closer to the source of warmth beside her, finally comfortable and hap-

A poking in her side made her jerk uncomfortably, not yet willing to give up the rest she so desperately desired. Just as she was about to drift off again she felt the sharp poke in her side again, forcing her eyes to open.

Green stared back at her.

"Squishin' me," Penny whispered, pushing against Raven's stomach with a pout.

Raven exhaled slowly, the memories of last night slowly flooding back, like the water at the Tower's shore, crashing along the rocks as the storm outside picked up. Fall arrived and was slowly changing to winter.

"Sorry, Penny," Raven breathed. Just as she was about to shift back to her own pillow Penny sat up straight and crawled right over her and onto the floor.

And then Raven saw _more_ green. Gar lay across from her, a Penny sized gap between him and her. He slept soundly on his side, one arm tucked under his pillow, the other laying against the sheets. Raven froze, listening to Penny rustle around but watching Gar breath slowly, his fingers grasping at the blankets, no doubt realizing something was missing.

Raven didn't know what to do. Should she leave? That didn't feel right-

Gar's eyes fluttered open slowly and Raven could _see_ the precise moment when he realized what was different. He stared at her for a few moments, his ears twitching when Penny made another sound, like she was dragging something across the room.

"Hi," he said, smiling softly, his voice deep from sleep.

"Hi," Raven greeted quietly, watching him with curious eyes.

He shifted towards her just the slightest, watching for any changes in her demeanor. Ever since that moment in the kitchen when she _kissed him_ he had seemed to be taking more chances with her. He was still careful but…something had changed. His eyes drifted away from her just for a moment, clearly taking in whatever Penny was doing behind her. "Be careful," he said, propping himself up on his elbow.

"Just wanna see rain," Raven heard her daughter say.

"And you can't do that from the floor?" he asked with a chuckle.

"I wanna touch it," the girl answered.

"The glass is in the way."

Penny was silent for a moment and Raven watched as Gar's expression changed into one of amusement.

"Mama, open window?"

Gar's eyes moved to meet hers and for some reason she felt like she got caught doing something she wasn't allowed to. But _no_. She _shouldn't_ feel like that. Looking at him was… _fine._ So without even turning around she called on her powers to open a window just enough for Penny to stick her hand out of.

The sound of the rain grew louder as wind blew into the room, sending a shiver through her body. Gar moved closer, almost instinctively, throwing his arm loosely across her, a lazy smile still on his face.

She opened her mouth, ready to chastise him for having the audacity to touch her but found the words wouldn't come out. Instead she _welcomed_ his warmth and felt an impulse to snuggle closer.

Ugh.

Did she _like_ to snuggle now? Was that a thing?

Raven felt a shock zip through her body and with a strained yelp she jolted forward, pressing against Gar's chest.

She felt his rumbling laughter mix with Penny's giggles.

"Mama wet now!" Penny snickered.

Raven felt her face heat up at the situation, at Penny's words, at her close proximity to Gar and- she pushed away and sat up, turning to look at Penny who sat on the bed with wet hands, no doubt a matching handprint now on the back of her own shirt.

"That wasn't nice, Penny," Raven sighed, watching as the little girl crawled under the blankets, still laughing.

"Aw, c'mon Rae," Gar said, tugging at her shirt. "It was all in good fun."

Raven let herself fall back into the pillow, trying to ignore the way her skin tingled when Gar's hand came to rest against her waist. "You saw her," Raven accused. "You could have stopped her."

Gar grinned. "Maybe."

The blankets writhed as Penny crawled around, getting closer to them before bursting out in-between them once more. "Pancake today?" she requested sweetly. "Mama can make."

Gar snorted. "Trust me. You don't want that."

Raven rolled her eyes, feeling her lips twitch.

Mark seemed to stir awake because Raven heard little cooing from the crib. Immediately Penny crawled away from her parents once again to peer in at her brother.

"Guess it's time to get up," Gar said. The weight of his hand against hers was heavy and _very_ apparent but not unwanted. He was getting bolder as the days went by and to be honest…so was she. She felt his thumb rub against her and she briefly wondered what it would feel like if her shirt wasn't in the way-

"Yes," she said immediately, stopping her train of thoughts. "We should."

"Okay," Gar said but it seemed he was as reluctant to leave the bed as she was.

"Maybe…" Raven hesitated. "Maybe you should sleep in my room again." At his surprised expression she continued quickly, before a blush could force it's way onto her face. "It's just- well, if we want to try and see if my memories could come back we should try and make things the same as they were before and I'm sure you sleeping in this room wasn't- _isn't_ normal." She was rambling, she knew that. But this was hard. Suggesting this was _hard._

"Sure," Gar said simply. She expected teasing. She expected this to be more difficult. But it was obvious he realized this was a big step for her and he was making the adjustment as smooth as he could. "Tonight then," he said, a tender smile on his face.

Gar rolled out of bed right after that, his hand lingering against her for probably half a second more than he needed it to. It was subtle but Raven realized…maybe she was as attuned to him as he was to her.

.

.

"Hello, friend Raven!" Starfire shouted through her communicator, smiling brightly at the empath.

"Hi, Star," Raven greeted, standing next to the large common room windows as rain slid down the windowpanes. "How are you guys?"

Starfire shrugged. "Richard has gotten…invested in the troubles going on over here. I am not sure when we will return. Are you all safe?"

Raven nodded. "Nothing interesting happened here."

"Oh really? Nothing interesting at all?" Starfire asked innocently, but the expression on her face showed something else.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Raven asked with a sigh.

"Nothing," Starfire said, giggling. "You and friend Garfield have had some time to be alone, am I correct…?"

Raven frowned. "No. You're not."

Starfire looked surprised. "But Victor is gone too, no?"

"He is," Raven said, glancing back at the kitchen to make sure Gar was busy with the kids. Mark sat in a high chair, his fingers deep in a bowl of tomato sauce. Raven rolled her eyes. That was an incredible mess waiting to happen. Penny stood on a stool beside Gar who was, of course, wearing a "kiss the chef" apron, while they tried to decorate their homemade pizza. Raven turned back to look at the communicator. "We have the kids," she said. "No need to be…alone."

Starfire seemed to fidget. "Well…when the kids are asleep…"

"Star, _no_."

"Pepponi, daddy!" Raven heard Penny exclaim.

"Uh, maybe on _your_ little pizza, honey," she heard Gar reply. "Daddy doesn't eat meat, you know that."

"But taste sooo good."

Raven felt a smile tug at her lip before redirecting her concentration back on her friend. "I…I will update you later though," she said quietly.

Starfire stifled a squeal, understanding her situation immediately. "Please, give Penny the communicator. Mar'i would love to speak with her!"

"Okay," Raven answered, turning away from the window.

"It is raining quite heavily there," Starfire noticed.

"Yeah. How is it in Gotham?"

"Always grey," Starfire answered. "I miss the sun sometimes."

"Come back soon then, okay?" Raven said, coming to a stop beside Penny. "Mar'i wants to-"

Penny screamed happily before jumping off the stool, snatching the communicator from her immediately. She ran to the couch, flopping onto it unceremoniously, chattering happily with the friend she grew up with.

Raven was taken aback by her immediate enthusiasm and stood awkwardly in the kitchen while Gar sprinkled on some vegan cheese.

"We have some real cheese over there," he said, gesturing towards another bowl. "You can get started on another pizza. Add all the pepp _er_ oni you want."

"Do I use _that_ tomato sauce?" Raven asked, pointing at Mark, who was unsurprisingly now covered in red. His purple eyes met hers and he babbled, smiling and slapping his hands against the sauce.

Gar snorted. "I just gave him a little bit. The actual one in that pot. I have some of your favorite toppings too."

Raven glanced into the little bowls scattered across the counter. He was right. Of course he was right. She wasn't even surprised anymore. Raven pushed the stool aside and stood next to Gar, grabbing a bowl of chopped onions and green peppers.

"I'll help you," she decided, briefly wondering if she meant more than just with the food.

.

.

Raven stared into the contents of the drawer, tapping her foot against the floor. The past couple of nights she had just been wearing these big, comfortable shirts she found. She knew they were his. They were _obviously_ his. There was no reason _she_ would have any of these graphic tees and men's shirts. But that wasn't the problem right now. The problem was should she wear it _now?_

She hadn't brought up her morning suggestion all day and Gar didn't mention it either. They had finished eating dinner and watching some kids movie when Gar took Penny and Mark to bed. Raven had retreated to her bedroom and now stood glaring at her dresser. Gar never said a thing about her clothing choices even when she had braved the decision to go out in his shirt that one morning. She knew he noticed. He had been hiding most of his emotions from her but he couldn't really hide his expressions and she saw the way he stared-

Raven grabbed a black shirt from the drawer and slipped it on, enjoying the feel of the way it hung off her shoulders and settled just below her hips against her leggings. Never did she take this long to decide what to _sleep in_. And she wasn't even sure if he was coming.

Raven pivoted and marched towards the bed. This was ridiculous. She shouldn't be this anxious over nothing. She floated onto the bed just as the door slid open. Gar entered the room in grey sweatpants and a dark shirt, letting the door shut behind him. For some stupid reason Raven didn't understand she felt her heartbeat pick up and almost rolled her eyes at herself. This was all embarrassing enough as it was she didn't need _him_ to know she was nervous too.

Raven settled into the bed, looking up at Gar with a cocked brow, trying to put on her most passive, none-of-this-fazes-me look ever. "Are you not coming to bed?" she asked, the words feeling strange in her mouth. Never had she invited someone into her bed.

Gar stood at the foot of the bed, scratching the back of his head nervously. "Uh, well, you're sort of on my side," he said sheepishly.

Raven stared at him. She was _definitely_ worried about nothing. This was still _Beast Boy_ after all, name change or not. If _this_ was what he was most concerned about she definitely needed to relax. Gar fidgeted as the silence between them stretched on and Raven still hadn't shifted from her spot.

"Really," she stated, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

"Yeah," he said, chuckling nervously.

Raven scooted over with a sigh, watching as Gar crawled in immediately after, landing on his pillow with a thump and a satisfied sigh. She watched him snuggle into his pillow cheerfully, sticking his nose into it and inhaling deeply. What- Why was he so _weird_?

"Why does it matter?" she questioned after he settled in with his bizarre routine. That better not be a regular thing. How she ever sat through it night after night she wouldn't understand. Clearly it was just because he hadn't done it in a while. At least Raven hoped.

"Why what?" he asked, his voice muffled against the pillow.

Raven felt like _smacking_ him with a pillow. "Why do you have to sleep on that side?"

Gar seemed to freeze. She noticed his back tense before he finally relinquished his embrace with the pillow. "I just…I just like to sleep by side closer to the door," he evaded once he settled onto his back, his arms tucked under his head as he resolutely avoided her gaze.

"Okay," Raven said, looking down at him. He seemed to be very interested with the ordinary ceiling. For some reason, the fact that he was in her bed didn't shake her. At all. It was strange but she was just glad she wasn't uncomfortable. "But why?" she pried.

"I just _do_ ," he said, sounding a little defensive but Raven noticed a slight red spread across his cheeks. She almost smiled. She was getting somewhere.

"Gar."

He grumbled, kicking uncomfortably at the blankets like a child. "It's an animal thing, okay?"

"What?" she asked, not understanding. Even after years of living with him, romantically and not, she had come to understand that Beast Boy was guided by many conflicting instincts but this? "What animal would _possibly_ have the instincts to sleep on a specific side of the bed?"

"It's not that exactly," he said, rolling onto his side to stare at her. "It's…it's like sleeping near the mouth of the cave in case some predator comes lurking in. I- it's embarrassing, Rae," he whined. "I already explained this to you once."

"Well, I forgot," she said, pushing down the smile she felt tugging at her lips. It was…nice. It was nice that she could joke about this whole messed up memory loss situation.

"You're messing with me," he realized, his eyes twinkling.

"I am not," she feigned, mimicking his position as she laid down to look at him. "Okay, so it's a protective instinct."

"Exactly," Gar confirmed, nodding resolutely

"What if someone came through the window then?"

Gar was silent.

Then he started fidgeting.

This time Raven allowed a smile to grace her lips. She could almost feel the clamoring of the animal instincts inside of him deciding on the proper steps to take.

"I hate you."

Raven couldn't stop the laugh that slipped out of her mouth. "Or, I don't know, what if someone came straight through one of the walls. That's not too farfetched either considering how many walls have probably been destroyed since we've been Titans."

"Well, I guess I'll just have to sleep on top of you," he shot back, the double meaning in his words not hitting him until he saw red paint Raven's cheeks as she stiffened. "Ah- I didn't mean it like that-"

"It's okay," Raven said. And it was. It surprised her sure, but...that was it. She didn't feel anything _negative._ Gar still looked hesitant so she sighed and spoke again. "It's fine, really. You got your side of the bed. But even with all the things that can go wrong with this instinctual plan of yours, you do _not_ get to sleep on top of me."

"Yea," Gar piped up, an irritatingly innocent look on his face. "If I was on top of you I definitely wouldn't be sleeping."

Raven blushed brightly. Why wasn't she saying anything? _Why wasn't she denying it?_

"That's what you get for teasing me," he smirked, reaching to grab the comforter to cover them both. "Lights?" he asked, looking at her questioningly, one hand hovering by the bedside lamp.

"Off please," Raven said quietly.

Darkness shrouded the room and Raven felt the mattress shift as Gar settled down again, a respectful distance from her. Sure, his words were bold, and maybe some of his actions too, but he was still always careful, polite, and considerate of her feelings. Her eyes had yet to adjust to the dark and she couldn't even see his form across from her but the knowledge that he was there was…relaxing.

Then she remembered that, on top of everything else, he probably had stupid night vision or something too and he might be staring at _her_ staring at _him_ -

Raven shut her eyes immediately, forcing herself to relax into the bed before embarrassment could consume her.

She fell asleep quickly that night and didn't wake up once.

.

.

Raven woke up wrapped in his arms.

A million thoughts rushed through her mind- some more unexpected than others. The first was satisfaction. _That_ definitely came from some residual memory she couldn't grasp. She was about to wake him up and yell at him for invading her personal space when she realized he was still on his self proclaimed side of the bed. _She_ was the one on his side, cuddled into his chest with her arm draped across his body. Gar's hand rested across her as well, his fingers softly grazing against her back.

She was going to wrench herself away from him but her body seemed to ignore her request. She took a few moments to take him in. She stared at his features- his strong jaw, his soft green skin, the feel of his hard chest, the weight of his muscled arm- is this what she used to see everyday? Is this what her mornings would consist of? Warm cuddles and strong hands?

Raven wasn't sure how long she stayed like this. A few minutes? But the sunlight was warm against her back and she watched as the rays danced across his face, no doubt sending signals to his brain to reboot and wake up. Soon enough Gar shifted, yawning before his eyes fluttered open sleepily. He stared at her with half lidded eyes, smiling.

"Morning, Mama," he said, his hoarse voice sending a thrill down her spine. But then he lifted his head up to give her a kiss-

Raven twisted away, out of his grip and abandoning her own, pulling back to her side of the bed. "Gar-"

Gar stared at her in confused. Clearly he hadn't fully constructed his emotional barricades this early in the morning because she felt his surprise and hurt shift into realization before quickly being muffled away. "Ah, shit! Sorry, Raven. I forgot. My mind didn't catch up with my dreams yet-" He blushed, looking incredibly flustered. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to maul you."

"You didn't," Raven said immediately, tucking her hair behind her ear as she sat up. "I was the one invading your side of the bed."

Gar seemed to recover quickly. He shrugged lazily, watching her with sharp green eyes. "I didn't mind."

Raven didn't know how to respond to that. She pulled the covers closer to her chest. She was fully clothed and yet- he made her feel bare. Not in a vulnerable sense- just…open. "Does that happen often?" she plucked up the courage to ask.

"The cuddling?" Gar asked, leaning onto an elbow. "Oh yeah. All the time."

Raven met his gaze. "You're not just saying that right?"

Gar laughed. "Wow. Where's the trust Rae?"

He was right. She didn't mean that. "Sorry. It's just unexpected?"

Gar smiled softly. "Yeah. I guess it is. But you surprisingly like cuddles. Especially when it gets colder. You like to say I'm your personal body heater."

"No way."

Gar snorted. "Okay, you got me. The last sentence might have been my words. But you never disagreed. And as for the cuddling, you _do_ like it. Or did?" His expression seemed to fall.

"Do," Raven said. "I do. I think."

Raven felt his pleasure brush over her softly and the way he was smiling she knew he did it purposefully.

"You like to feel that in the morning too," he said softly. "It's a good way to start the day."

Raven stared at him, feeling her heart pick up. The expression on his face as he stared at her didn't require her empathetic abilities to read. It was filled with love.

Raven let herself sink into the sheets once more, facing him. Things felt _just right_.

"Can I feel more?" she requested hesitatingly- curiously.

Gar grinned and she was enveloped by the warmth of his feelings.

Raven sunk into those too.

.

.

* * *

 _Author's Note:_

I'm thrilled by the response to the last chapter! I really look forward to hearing more from you guys! It's a good motivator because it's hard to spend time writing these chapters without feeling guilty when I have med school stuff going on too so thank you. Reviews encourage me to write and are very much appreciated.

Raven is getting more and more comfortable when it comes to touch and affection…

Once again, let me know what you think and what you liked! Until the next one-

Magma

P.S. I actually sketched out the picture Raven was looking at in the first scene. Just look up the tumblr account beastraven (i know creative name lmao) and it should be there.


	6. K - I - S - S

Chapter 6 – **K – I – S – S**

* * *

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A few days had passed since they started sharing a bed. It wasn't a big deal, Raven found. It became the norm, to wake up in his arms. Just the night before he had crawled into bed and immediately wrapped an arm around her. There was no fanfare, no blushing, no stuttering. He just did it. And they fell asleep like that, comfortable and warm.

The rain had only let up for a few days just to start again harder than before. Raven made sure Mark was warm and comfortable in his crib, brushing his dark hair from his forehead. The little boy slept soundly and she watched him for a few moments, enraptured. There was something so innocent and pure about him. She knew- she _felt_ it- that she would die for this child. She would do anything for him.

Her thoughts wandered to Penny, who was currently supposed to be in a bath drawn up by her father. Raven felt a spike of erratic emotions, too hard to decipher. Mark fidgeted uncomfortably and Raven wondered, not for the first time, whether he had empathetic abilities too. The emotions fluctuated and Raven sighed, abandoning her position by her son to make her way down the hall. Obviously something was going on if Gar's emotions leaked past his mental barricades.

The door slid open, fluorescent lights revealing the two culprits, staring at each other with unreadable expressions.

"Why are you wet?" Raven asked suspiciously as she entered the bathroom, seeing her daughter and Garfield soaked to the bone, dripping water onto the tiled floor.

"She turned into a fish!" Gar exclaimed, his hands on his hips as he stared down at Penny. "And she wouldn't shift back. Penny, you could have seriously gotten hurt!"

The little girl looked down at the floor shyly, water trickling from her hair. "I sorry Daddy."

Raven saw Gar's shoulders deflate. She stepped towards the two, grabbing a towel from the cabinet. "And why are _you_ wet?" she asked him.

"Rae, she turned into a fish _outside_ of the water," he protested. "It's a good thing I was here because she was just flopping around on the floor." He looked so distraught and disgruntled that Raven wanted to place a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "What if I wasn't here-?" he said, his voice cracking.

"But you were," she answered immediately; briefly squeezing his arm in what she hoped was a comforting manner.

"I freaked out," he rambled. "When she wouldn't transform back I just scooped her up and threw her into the tub. I _tossed_ our daughter into the tub, Raven. I- what if I didn't have water ready? Thank goodness I already had it running. But what if she turned into a sea creature? And she needed saltwater? What-"

"Gar-"

"The salinity is different Rae! The density is different. _This_ water isn't- her osmoregulation would be off and then what? I mean it would take a while but- God, is this how my parents felt…"

"Doesn't explain how you're wet," Raven interrupted, watching as he ran his hands frantically through his messy hair.

"I told you, I freaked, " he snapped, so uncharacteristically like himself. "She _still_ wouldn't turn back so I jumped in with her to see if I could talk to her. Which didn't really work. A lot happened okay. I alternated from my normal form and fish form a lot trying to talk to our aquatic little daughter."

"Sorry, Daddy," Penny whispered again, looking ashamed.

Gar groaned, getting down slowly onto his knees so he was better leveled with her. "It's okay, honey. Just…don't scare Daddy like that again, okay?" Penny nodded quickly, her small arms wrapping around his neck. Gar hugged her back tightly before turning back towards Raven. "Can you handle the rest of this bath? I think I need to lay down."

Raven couldn't help but smile at that. "Don't get the bed wet."

Penny shivered, the cold of the bathroom getting to her wet form as her father left. Raven undid the towel around her and settled her in the lukewarm tub, running the hot water.

"Mama, I didn't mean to," she said softly, not even playing with her bath toys.

"I know," Raven said gently, squeezing some shampoo into her hand. "Daddy loves you a lot, okay? He was just scared. He would get really sad if something happened to you."

Penny nodded before Raven started to scrub her hair. "Daddy was real sad when you were sleeping too," she said quietly, splashing joylessly.

Raven halted her movements. "What?"

"When you sleep for hours- days," she fixed after a moment of consideration. "He sad. Made me sad." Raven was silent but her daughter wasn't done. "He stay in hop'tal room with you. But Daddy came to see me and Markie. Markie cried lots. Markie never cries."

Raven knew her brief comatose state was hard on everyone. She knew it was particularly hard on Gar. But hearing this from her own daughter…? "Thank you for telling me, Penny," Raven said, unsure of what to say.

Penny seemed to gain some of her enthusiasm back, splashing with more fervor. "Hey, Mama?"

"Hm?"

"How come Daddy no kiss you anymo'?"

Raven's hands slipped into the water, soaking her sleeve up to her elbow. _"What?"_

"Daddy use to kiss you _allll_ the time," the girl said, scooping up some foamy bubbles and placing it on Raven's nose. "It was yucky."

That last sentence took her by surprise and she felt a choked laugh tumble out of her throat. "Daddy…is very sweet," she said, carefully choosing her words. "He…he wants to make sure Mama is feeling all better before…"

"Kissin' you?" Penny finished helpfully.

"Yeah," Raven said softly.

"You don' look sick," Penny said, slapping her hands against the surface of the water.

"Sometimes…sometimes people look okay but they're sick on the inside."

"Oh okay," Penny agreed readily. "Like a tummy ache."

Raven smiled. "Yes. Like a tummy ache."

The rest of the bath time silence was filled by Penny talking about some show she liked or how funny it felt like to be a fish. That last part of the conversation Raven decided _not_ to tell Gar. She wasn't sure he'd appreciate it right now… Raven finished drying off her daughter and making sure she was properly clothed, her fingers briefly resting along Penny's pointed ear, one of the many traits she shared with her father. She couldn't imagine anything happening to her either. No wonder Gar was scared.

She couldn't lose her kids.

.

.

"Good night, Penny," Raven said from the door of the child's bedroom.

"'Night, Mama!" the girl said, snuggling into her brightly colored blankets.

Raven ventured down the hall, wondering if Gar had soaked through their sheets. The door slid open and she saw him lying with his back against the bed, his head dangling off the edge. He had changed into sweatpants and a shirt, his wet clothes hidden away. His eyes were closed and he looked absolutely exhausted. He could have been asleep, albeit probably uncomfortably, if he hadn't spoken.

"What if I wasn't there?"

Raven moved towards him, taking a seat on the ground, leaning against the side of the bed. She stared at his profile, her eyes trailing along the contour of his jaw before his eyes opened at the sound of her voice. "You transform back into human form when you get knocked out, right?" she asked after a moment.

"Yeah…"

"If you weren't there…she would have done the same thing," she supposed.

Gar glared at the ceiling. "Yeah, after passing out from lack of _oxygen_!" he exclaimed.

Raven watched him silently for a moment as he fumed to himself. She couldn't argue with him when it came to transformations. She knew that. Right now he was in a pit and there wasn't much she could say.

"You make a good dad," she stated simply.

He finally turned his head to look at her with surprised eyes. "And you make a good mom."

.

.

They had one of their first actual fights since she woke up. It was something stupid. He had went to go handle some trouble out in the city and came back more injured than she would have liked. She healed him of course, but she had _insisted_ on going with him earlier. Maybe he wouldn't have gotten hurt if she was there. She told him she was fine- that she could fight. And he didn't argue with that fact. He told her it wasn't really his choice…Nightwing made a decision for them.

"Nightwing isn't _here_ ," Raven said through clenched teeth. "You want to just go and fight by yourself? What are you trying to prove?"

She had to admit, Garfield was very patient when it came to her. In so many ways. But something about what she said seemed to strike a nerve because his eyes narrowed and his shoulders tensed and when he spoke there was an edge to his voice that she wasn't used to hearing.

"You think I'm trying to _prove_ something, Raven?" he asked, his voice surprisingly calm. "What could I possibly be trying to prove?"

Raven had no answer for that. Logic was thrown out the window at the very beginning of the argument. She didn't know what had her so…so _flustered_. So worried. And she didn't know what came over her when she uttered her next sentence.

"I don't know if this was how it was before but if you think I'm just going to be some type of…of stay at home mom-"

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Gar snarled.

"I have nothing against those mothers but I'm still a Titan, Gar-"

"I _know_ that, Raven!" Gar exclaimed, grasping her by the shoulders. "I _know_ how strong you are. I _know_ that you're so fucking strong that there's always _someone_ out to get you. I know that _I_ wasn't strong enough to stop them-" His tight fingers around her loosened and he let her go right away. "I'm sorry- I didn't-"

"That's what you're afraid of?" she asked after a moment of hesitation.

"Raven, there are a lot of things I'm afraid of," he admitted. "Your safety and the kids safety is one of them. Always. It comes with the instincts," he said with a snort. "As for the stereotypical _mom_? Raven, I'd never expect that of you. You can't even make pancakes," he joked, trying to defuse some of the tension. "You know that you're not obligated to…stay right? I don't want you to ever think you're forced into this position. Ever."

"Gar-"

"Listen, I have to go soon. Just hear me out, okay? You do _not_ have to feel guilty or something about this whole situation. If you want…something different- that's fine. Just know…you have options, okay?"

Raven frowned, glaring at the ground. This is not where she expected the conversation to go. This is not where she _wanted_ the conversation to go. She was just getting antsy- she hated having to watch him go out to fight by himself when she was perfectly capable of having his back. She didn't want to leave the kids alone either-

"I'll be back soon, okay?" Gar said, softly brushing his hand against her shoulder.

Raven simply nodded, unable to find her voice. "And, you know what? Maybe we can get Rita to stop by…she wanted to see us and the kids anyway. And if the rest of the team isn't back by then, at least we'll have a baby sitter," he said, grinning. "And you can come beat up bad guys all you want."

Garfield. No matter how ridiculous she got, he was always so considerate. She didn't know what she did to deserve it.

The green Titan moved towards the exit and she hurriedly grasped his hand.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, hoping those simple words could actually encompass how strongly she felt. "Come back home safely."

He smiled at her with that stupid, goofy smile that always found a way to melt her icy demeanor.

.

.

Raven watched him as she stood near the windows, the rain pouring behind her. She finished healing him in silence. He didn't say what happened out there and she didn't ask. They just sat together, her hands on his skin, healing everything the best she could. He went to shower immediately after she was done and now he was on the floor of the common room, leaning against the couch while he played with the kids. She could feel the kids joy, and hear his laughter.

He was so…so _sweet_. So generous. So willing and giving. And right now she knew he was giving her an out. A choice. But as Raven watched them she realized at some point she _did_ make a choice. She _did_ want to have a family with him. Have a life with him.

She couldn't deny her attraction to him either. She woke up wrapped in his arms on her own accord. Her body simply _reacted_ to him. When they touched she could feel the warmth radiating from him and…she enjoyed it.

They were friends. That much was true. And at some point they were more than friends. They were lovers. They were parents.

In the beginning she struggled to fall asleep and she couldn't pinpoint why. But…it was him. It was always him. Since they started to recreate their "normal" life she found she slept soundly. He was _always_ there. _That_ fact wasn't a new or strange concept. Even as teenagers he was a constant, comforting presence in her life and she found herself _glad_ that it was still the same.

She knew she liked him. Love him? She wasn't sure if the feelings she felt were whispers from a past she couldn't remember or if they were _real_. But regardless, if she felt them wouldn't it make it real? It was all too confusing and she wasn't too naïve to say, yes, she was in love with Garfield. She couldn't admit that. Not yet.

She watched him play with their kids. Little Mark sat in his lap while Penny sat in front of him, personifying her little toy replica of Cyborg.

Gar told her she didn't choose this but she _had_. At some point she had.

Raven never considered herself to be the type to feel possessive but in this moment she _did._ She watched the scene play out while Gar bounced his leg to keep Mark entertained and laughed at his daughters antics.

She chose to be with him. She chose to have kids with him.

She fell in love him.

Before she could even think about stopping, an impulse so unlike herself took over and she found herself taking a step towards _her_ family, letting her leg sink into her manifested powers, her body following right after. It was as if the few steps that separated them were too much. She reappeared in front of them in a cloud of darkness and Gar looked up in surprise as she kneeled down before him, cupping his face in her hand and acted on the feelings that had been bubbling in her for days- a compulsory reaction she had been denying- and pressed her lips to his in a moment she found herself wishing wouldn't end.

Garfield's reaction was instantaneous- it was as if he were waiting for this very moment. His free hand snaked around the back of her neck, demanding more from their lips and she lurched forward, pressed against his side as his tongue slid expertly into her mouth. There was no hesitation in his movements as he took everything she felt comfortable offering. His finger pressed against a certain spot against her neck that had her melt against him. It was obvious he knew just what to do to get her body to _hum_. This _feeling_ \- her muscles took over, remembering things her brain couldn't and just when she started to become a more active participant in the kiss she felt a sharp tug on her cloak and Garfield pulled back, a wide grin on his face, his eyes darkened and glazed over.

Penny glared at them from the floor, her tiny fingers wrapped in Raven's cloak, the other hand tightly gripping at her Cyborg doll.

"Mama! I was playing with Daddy, stop kissin' 'im!"

Raven found herself laughing softly and let her body fall limp as she settled down beside Gar, their shoulders pressed together.

"Sorry, honey," she said quietly, pulling Penny onto her lap. She could feel Gar's eyes on her but instead she concentrated on her daughters purple hair, gently untangling a few knots. She couldn't see, but she knew her cheeks were red.

Mark was babbling, seemingly undisturbed by Raven's sudden affectionate spectacle.

Soon enough Penny crawled out of her lap to resume her game of playing "Titans" as she pulled out a Starfire action figure.

Raven felt warm fingers on her thigh and _finally_ looked at him.

"What was that?" Gar asked carefully, looking almost bashful, which, for some reason Raven found _ridiculous,_ considering what he just did to her mouth. Her cheeks heated up at the thought.

"I don't know," she admitted truthfully, her heart still beating rapidly in her chest. From the impulsivity or the high- she wasn't sure. She just kissed him. _She. Just. Kissed. Him._ "I just…" What was she supposed to say? She didn't even _know_.

"I'm not complaining," he said, smiling softly, licking his lips as if he could still taste her skin against his mouth. Knowing his powers he probably _could_. "Just wondering what this means."

Raven looked at him- _really_ looked at him. "It means I'm here," she said. "For all of it." His smile seemed to grow, his eyes twinkling. "I don't know how all this happened but I know you…you made me happy. You _make_ me happy. I know we were all happy. There are residual emotions I can still feel- they're buried somewhere within me…I know I _want_ what we had. Somehow. Just…just don't give up on me, Gar."

Before she could react, Garfield leaned in and gave her another quick kiss on the lips, tugging softly at her bottom lip with his teeth. She blushed again as his eyes searched hers. "I was scared," he admitted. "Of losing you." He leaned in once more, catching her lips with his own, his fingers brushing against her cheeks and her neck- He pulled back, too quickly in her opinion, a large grin on his face. "I'm just used to kissing you," he explained breathlessly.

"Yuck," came a young voice. Gar and Raven turned to look at their daughter who stared at them with a wrinkled nose before breaking out into a familiar rhythm. "Daddy and Mama, sittin' in a tree. Kay-eye-ess-ess-eye-en-gee! First come love-"

"You don't even know the alphabet properly yet, Penny," Gar snorted. "You're just going by sound." Penny just stuck out her tongue, most of her father's words going over her head. Gar picked up Mark and handed the boy over to Raven, a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Daddy- wait-" Penny started, scrambling to get on her short legs as Garfield made a slow crawl towards her, exactly like a predator would stalk a smaller prey.

"Kisses are gross huh?" Gar asked, watching his daughter giggle and laugh as she retreated towards the other side of Raven.

"Mama!" she squealed. "Daddy's gonna give me kiss attic!"

"You mean kiss attack," Raven said, watching the scene play out in amusement.

"That's right," Gar said, shifting into a small dog and leaping onto his daughter.

"AH! Daddy!" Penny snorted as she lay beside her mom, pushing at her dad's green snout as he covered her with doggy drool.

.

.

The sun had set a long time ago but Raven found she couldn't sleep. But this time it didn't bother her.

They kissed a lot that night.

Well, was it a lot? Raven didn't really have much to compare it to. Her lips felt thoroughly touched afterwards though. And her waist… And her hips…

Garfield held her while he slept and Raven watched him, lost in thought.

Kissing felt good. It felt _really_ good. He definitely knew what he was doing- at least with her. But again, she didn't really have much to compare it to.

She stared at his lips, just as green as the rest of his body. They were soft and warm and she really, really liked when he involved his teeth during their…make out? Did she just make out with _Beast Boy?_

Raven smiled. It wasn't even him that made the first move. He was as respectful as always, crawling into bed and snuggling against her like he had for the last few days. And that's it. No wandering hands. No stray, heated emotions slipping past his walls.

He was talking to her, his hand resting delicately on her hip but, honestly, she wasn't really hearing anything he was saying. She was just staring at his lips while he went on and on about something or the other. It wasn't that she didn't want to listen to whatever he had to say she was just…distracted.

He noticed eventually, of course.

"Raven, are you even listening?" Gar had asked, staring at her with a curious expression. He brought his hand up to her face, brushing away some of her hair and coyly leaving his hand there. He really did use every opportunity she gave him to touch her, she realized. He was looking at her with such a soft expression and she didn't know what came over her- she just surged forward and pressed her lips against his.

He was surprised, that was for sure. Whatever he was going to say was muffled against her lips- it was sloppy at first while he registered what was happening and she froze against his mouth- surprised with herself-

But as soon as his brain caught up he pushed forward, encouraging her mouth to work with him. His grip on her hip tightened as he angled closer to her and, with less hesitance than she thought she would have, she slid her hands up to his chest, grasping at his shirt. She felt a rumble against her fingers and satisfaction roll off him when she cautiously pressed her tongue against his lips. Raven felt the heat of his emotions trickle out of him, clearly freely sharing them with her.

She found herself pressed against the mattress, his warm hand tucked under the edge of her shirt, caressing the skin of her waist. She wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, exploring each other's mouth. But she knew, for him, this wasn't an exploration. He _knew_ her. And he sure wasn't hiding it. He tugged at his bottom lip with his teeth, and a breathy sound escaped from her mouth, one she didn't even know she could make. She felt him smirk against her lips, clearly pleased with himself. For some reason that fired her up. She slid her hands further up his body, straight to his ear. A part of her knew playing with his ears would get him riled.

And it did. He growled against her mouth and she felt his claws poke at her skin, his hand sliding down her hip and to her thigh.

"Rae," he groaned. "We should stop." He was breathless and reluctant to let her go but he retracted his nails and met her gaze. His eyes were dilated and dark and she watched his tongue dart out, only moments ago in her own mouth, to run across his lips. " _I_ should stop."

"Okay," she exhaled, her chest rising and falling as she regained her breath. She hoped the reluctance in her voice wasn't as obvious to him as it was to her.

Gar stared at her for a few moments longer, slowly bringing his face closer, almost cautiously to see if she would turn him away. He briefly pressed their lips together, his hands caressing the skin of her waist. He trailed his kisses down to her throat before rubbing his head against her neck, like a cat leaving its scent.

"It's not that I don't want to…continue with this," Gar explained, his green eyes meeting hers. "I just- I just don't want to go too far and do something you'd be uncomfortable with."

Raven didn't know what to say. Instead, using some of the residual courage she still had from before, she brought up her hand up to his face, tracing the angles of his jaw and delicately following the tip of his ear. She watched his eyes flutter shut as he let out a shuddering breath, a satisfied smile on his face.

"I guess it's time for bed," Raven spoke, allowing her arms to fall limply back to the bed.

"Yeah," Gar mumbled, his eyes bright as he stared at her. "Maybe one more kiss?"

Raven pushed him off, a smirk on her lips.

.

.

* * *

 _Author's Note:_

Lots of kisses! Kisses for all!

Just had an exam (that's why there was a delay) but here's the next chapter!

Please leave a review! Let me know your favorite thing from this chapter and what you'd wanna see in future ones!

Until the next one,

Magma


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